Princess Charming?
by pokerfiend1313
Summary: Our very own Captain Jack Sparrow kisses a frog and lands himself a pretty girl. Yup... that's it. It might be better than it sounds, it might not. You be the judge.
1. Default Chapter

Ok, I'm completely throwing caution to the winds and posting this story. I first wrote this because I was bored, but my friend, Connor, suggested I post it. He's usually wrong, but I decided to humor him. If you flame me, I'll ignore you. This fic is just for fun and might get fluffy later, okay?  
  
If you're still with me... GO YOU! Alright, unlike my other stories, I have no idea where this is going, so if you have suggestions, let me know. If you don't give me any suggestions or you don't care (which is probably the case), than the ending will probably be unhappy. On we go...  
  
_FINALLY! After SO many years, I've finally found someone stupid enough!! Oh, what a glorious day! I've waited so long to walk upright again, and I was getting so tired of eating flies._ Mary Ann found herself sitting on a dusty road, on top of a rugged looking man next to two gaping children. She glanced down and found she was wearing her very poofy light blue dress. Her blonde hair was curled and piled atop her head, surrounded by her delicate tiara. She smiled and stretched he arms above her head, enjoying the feeling.  
  
"Um, excuse me, lass. As much as I enjoy this, I suggest we continue this when there are no children aroun', savvy?" Came a slightly slurred voice from underneath her. She squeaked and hopped off, but only managed to go careening into the bushes on the other side of the road. _That 'as got ta be one of th' weirdest things tha' 'as ever 'appened ta me._ Captain Sparrow thought to himself as he thought about the previous few seconds.  
  
15 seconds previous  
  
"KISS IT!! KISS IT!!" Peter and Claire shrieked with glee as they held out the frog to CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow. He wrinkled his nose in disgust, but he was known as the "cool uncle" (well, he wasn't their uncle by blood, but he acted like it.) and felt he should humor the two Swann children. So, he took the sticky frog and raised it to his lips. Peter and Claire giggled and leaned forward.  
  
"On it's lips!!!" Claire shouted.  
  
Jack grimaced, and quickly pecked the frog on the lips. Not a second later, he was knocked to the ground as the frog seemed to grow and in a flash of pink smoke, he found a quite good looking young woman sitting on him instead of the frog. She looked like some sort of princess and he couldn't help but smile at her antics. She wiggled her fingers and stretched, like she hadn't been able to do that for a while.  
  
"Present" time  
  
Mary Ann righted herself and brushed off her dress. She hadn't been able to walk upright for nearly 150 years. She brushed herself off and giggled.  
  
Jack was even more confused, but intrigued at the same time. Normally, when such a high-class looking woman was sent flying into the bushes, she huffed and became very cross with anyone in a 50 ft. radius, but this young woman seemed to rather enjoy it. After brushing herself off, she twirled around in a few circles, arms outstretched and her face, upturned to the sun.  
  
He could tell that Peter and Claire were insanely curious about the sudden appearance of the girl that looked somewhat like a deranged fairy. She suddenly stopped and leaped on him, wrapping her legs around his waist and hugging him fiercely. Ok, now he was REALLY enjoying this. If this happened every time her kissed a frog, he'd have to do it more often, and at this moment, all questions as to how the hell she got there went flying out the window.  
  
"Thank you SO much, kind sir! I've been trapped in that dreadful frog's body for ages and you've rescued me!!! How can I ever repay you?!" She asked, climbing off him.  
  
"Oh, I can think of a few things..." He replied suggestively, but was interrupted by Elizabeth.  
  
"Um, I don't mean to be rude, but who are you?" She asked.  
  
"Oh, please forgive me. I'm Mary Ann, and this wonderful gentleman (Elizabeth snorted at this) just rescued me from my curse. Now, may I have something to eat? I've had hardly anything but insects for as long as I can remember!" She replied, acting like she was talking about something as common as the weather. Elizabeth arched an eyebrow, but was curious who the girl was, so she decided to comply with her wishes.  
  
Will (who had just come outside) raised his eyebrows "insects?" but found himself looking at Mary Ann's back as Elizabeth lead her inside, Claire and Peter at her heals.  
  
"I think she was a frog, mate." Jack said nonchalantly and followed them inside.  
  
Okay, I'm done with that chapter. Is this idea at all interesting or different? I was just sick of all those run o' the mill romances; thus, the birth of Princess Charming. Review PLEASE and tell me what you thought of it! 


	2. In which a lot of boring things are expl...

Woah! That was 6 more reviews than I expected, LOL! You guys rock!  
  
Capnjacks-luckylady: YAY! I was so happy to see your review because I love your stories! I'm happy that you thought it was original too, 'cause that is exactly what I was shooting for!  
  
Nicole: Whoops! Thanx for catching my mistake! I'll go back and change it as soon as I can, but I'm a bit short on time at present! I hope you like this chapter!  
  
Ev1lSandw1ch: You have the coolest name! Your review was plenty helpful because it did give me encouragement and I got off my ass to post this next chapter! Wahoo!  
  
Wenamedthemonkeyjack: Wow, you are so nice! But now I'm a little worried that this chapter won't be as good! Eeeek! I hope ya like it!  
  
Snugglebnny87: I am SO glad that you thought it was funny, because if I try too hard to make it funny, than it just turns out lame. I hope ya like this chapter too!  
  
Sparrow's Girl: OH. MY. GAWD! LOL, sorry, that made me sound like a moron, but I'm absolutely on cloud nine! I LOVE "The Many Faces of Jack Sparrow" pt.1 and 2 and I freaked out when I read that you liked my story! YAY!  
  
Last chapter: "I think she was a frog mate." Jack said nonchalantly and followed them inside.  
  
"I'm Elizabeth Turner, these are my children Claire and Peter, my husband Will, and that gentleman that saved you is Captain Jack Sparrow of the Black Pearl." Elizabeth said as various foods were placed in front of Mary Ann.  
  
"It's nice to meet you all!" She said and dug in to the food.  
  
"So, Mary Ann... I hope you don't mind me asking, but where... how did you get here? I'm still a bit perplexed." Elizabeth asked politely, trying to ignore the way Mary Ann was shoveling food into her mouth completely excluding the silverware.  
  
"It's actually a rather long story." Mary Ann replied.  
  
"We've got time, sweetie." Jack said, resting his feet on the table, ignoring Elizabeth's stern look.  
  
Mary Ann looked up abruptly and dropped the chicken leg she was gnawing on. "Fine. This isn't my favorite subject to talk about, but I suppose you all have a right to know. A long time ago... it must've been about 150 years ago, my father, the king of (insert kingdom here, I need some suggestions on a kingdom name), wanted me to get married. I was his only child and he tried his hardest to find the perfect husband for me, regardless of weather or not I liked him. He finally decided on a perfectly horrible man who was about three times my age. I of course refused, but he didn't listen, so I resorted to acting rude, obnoxious, and unladylike in hopes that my future husband would lose interest. Unfortunately, he persisted because all he cared about was that he could someday have access to the throne.  
  
"My father was sick of my behavior, so he consulted a woman named Caddie who was scary beyond all reason and claimed to have magic powers. My father still cared about me, so he decided not to kill me, but to curse me and in return for caddie's help, she too would have a fair share of ruling the kingdom. They decided to turn me into a frog, which is a little cliché if you ask me. My father still pitied me, so he decided to make the curse break when someone kissed me. I've waited SO long, and no one was ever stupid enough to kiss me, before you, Captain Sparrow."  
  
Jack frowned. Was she implying that he was stupid? Well, no, she was outright saying he was stupid, but he calmed his nerves and appeared as calm as he ever had been on the outside. _She's lucky that she's pretty or I'd be on her like white on rice.  
_  
"Well, you all were oddly accepting of that tale. I felt for sure that I'd be thrown out on my butt in a matter of minutes." Mary Ann said, curiously looking at the three who were giving each other nervous glances. All of them remembering their encounter with Barbossa 7 years previous. They just shrugged and an awkward silance ensued.  
  
After they had finished eating, Elizabeth asked "So, I'm assuming that you don't have anywhere to stay..."  
  
Mary Ann paused and looked thoughtful for a moment "Yeah, I guess you're right. I didn't even think of that. I was so happy that I didn't have to eat insects anymore, that it kind of slipped my mind. I'm sure I could find someplace though-"Mary Ann said, but Elizabeth cut her off and said, "But you can stay here! Don't worry at all. I insist! We'll talk to my father tomorrow and see where we'll go from there."  
  
"Wow. That's really nice of you. You know, I wouldn't want to intrude- "  
  
"No, we'd be happy to have you stay with us." Will insisted.  
  
"Alrighty then. Thanx bunches." She said and Elizabeth led her upstairs to one of their spare bedrooms.  
  
"So, you're jus' gonna let 'er stay 'ere?" Jack asked Will once they were out of earshot.  
  
"If I said no, Elizabeth would have exploded. The kids are driving her crazy and she doesn't have many women her age to talk to. This will be a real treat for her." Will replied.  
  
"So she'll spen' the res' of 'er life with you guys?" Jack asked and Will looked shocked.  
  
"I hope not! We don't even know her!"  
  
"Well than, were do ye propose she go?" Jack asked and Will got a sly grin on his face.  
  
"Hey, Jack. You said so yourself that you needed some new crew members."  
  
"No, no! You're daft boy! I know wha' yer getting' at an' there's no way the lass is comin' with me!"  
  
"Oh, come on, Jack-"  
  
"Tha's CAPTAIN ta ye, boy!"  
  
Will could see he was getting nowhere, so he changed his approach, "She is rather pretty, don't you think?"  
  
"Ooooh, I'm tellin' Elizabeth!" Jack snickered.  
  
"NO! I meant for you. I think she likes you." Will respond quickly.  
  
"Is yer memory failin' ye, boy? She called me stupid!" Jack practically yelled.  
  
"C'mon, CAPTAIN. I bet it's all a cover up. She's probably just too shy to admit her feelings."  
  
"FEELINGS?! I 'AVEN'T EVEN KNOWN 'ER FER 24 HOURS YET!" Jack shouted and stormed out the door and into the Turner's backyard/garden.  
  
_What the hell is that Turner boy thinking? There's no reason to have her on me ship, even if she is quite pretty. Well, I guess there's one reason, but still. Why should I hafta babysit her? She can't even weild a sword! But than another voice in his mind spoke up. But you don't know that! She could be a very skilled swordsman! FINE! I'LL GIVE 'ER A TRY, BUT IF SHE MAKES ONE LIL MISTAKE, I'M DROPPIN' HER AND HER SORRY ASS AT THE NEXT PORT!! Oy, why am I talking to meself??_  
  
Jack slowly made his way back inside the Turner's house, but quickly hid in a bush when he heard a very unwelcoming voice.  
  
Okay, there ya go. How was it? I know it was a lil boring, but I had to explain some stuff, so go REVIEW now!!!!!

I love you all!


	3. A big pot of kind of random experiences

'Ello! Guess what, everyone?! This story has a plot now!!! YAY! I don't have much to ramble about now, so I'll get to the shout outs...  
  
Smiley Cad: It's my dear friend, Cad! 'Ello, Cad... heh, don't kill me! You remember what happened in Egypt, and if you kill me again that means I'm stuck with you for DOUBLE eternity! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Oh, crap. Jack got hold of my maniacal laughing machine again...  
  
Wenamedthemonkeyjack: I'm glad it was interesting. I don't usually like explanation chapters either and I end up just skimming 'em most of the time, LOL.  
  
Ev1lSandwh1ch: Wow. You have no idea how much that meant to me when you said I had Jack's character down well. The one thing I can't stand about other stories is when they have too much out of character moments, so I am trying SO hard to keep Jack acting like Jack! THANK YOU!  
  
Capnjacks-luckylady: Like I said above in Ev1lSandwh1ch's shout out, I am overjoyed that you think I am portraying the characters well! THANX!!! Do me a favor and correct me if they are getting too OOC!  
  
Piratechic(who isn't me, but my friend, Catiebell who was using my account): It is so like you to be cheering for the deranged fairies! Sometimes I wonder what life would be like without you psychotic friends of mine...  
  
On with the story now!  
  
Last chapter: Jack slowly made his way back inside the Turner's house, but quickly hid in a bush when he heard a very unwelcoming voice.  
  
"Hello Elizabeth, Mr. Turner." Commodore Norrington said as they opened the door, "forgive my intrusion, but as you might know, my mother's birthday is coming up this Friday and I came to personally invite you to her birthday celebration."  
  
"Oh my! Is it her birthday already? How old is she turning again?" Elizabeth asked.  
  
Norrington looked slightly offended and said, "Well I'm not sure how old she is. I do not find it polite to ask a lady her age."  
  
"Of course, forgive me." Elizabeth replied politely as Jack rolled his eyes.  
  
"Don't fret. Will you come to the ball held in her honor? Tomorrow, at six o'clock there will be-"Norrington stopped abruptly and Jack tried to quietly worm his way through the bushes to see what made the Commodore stop.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I interrupt something? I'll go upstairs till-"Jack heard the musical voice of Mary Ann float out to him.  
  
"Oh, no! Stay, please! I'm Commodore Norrington, and you are..." Jack couldn't take it any more and stuck his head out of the bottom of the bushes, now completely laying on the ground. He saw Commodore Norrington kiss Mary Ann's hand as she told him her name.  
  
"It's a pleasure to meet you." Norrington replied in what he hoped was a suave voice. Jack shuddered as Mary Ann smiled politely at Norrington. _Who in their right mind would like that pigheaded eunuch? No one should be interested in someone like that._  
  
"Are you staying here on vacation? With your husband perhaps?" Commodore asked as Jack angrily swatted a bush branch out of his ear.  
  
"Oh, no. I'm not married. I'm just visiting Will and Elizabeth for a bit" Mary Ann said and Norrington beamed.  
  
"Oh, well, in that case, would you like to come to the ball too?" He asked Mary Ann.  
  
"Of course. We all will. Thank you for stopping by, Commodore." Elizabeth said quickly and waved her hand in a shooing motion at the bush where she had just noticed Jack leaning out of.  
  
"Alright, good day." He replied and turned around right as Jack ducked back into the bushes.  
  
Jack smirked and right when Norrington passed Jack's bush, Jack threw a rock at his head. Norrington turned sharply when the pebble smacked him square in the scull, but didn't see anyone so he continued on his way, mumbling to himself.  
  
As soon as he was gone, Elizabeth yanked Jack out of the bushes and into the house.  
  
"WHAT WERE YOU DOING OUT THERE?? NORRINGTON COULD HAVE EASILY SEEN YOU AND YOU COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED!" She said angrily.  
  
"I was jus' admirin' yer lovely bushes, tha's all. Honestly, yer clearly over-reacting." Jack replied smoothly. Elizabeth just glared and stormed upstairs.  
  
"So, Jack. Have you thought about bringing Mary Ann aboard The Pearl?" Will asked casually, sideling up next to Jack.  
  
Jack sighed and replied with obvious irritation in his voice, "I'll let 'er stay fer a bit, bu' I'm no' intendin' ta babysit the lass forever, savvy?"  
  
Around noon the next day  
  
Mary Ann had spent most of her stay so far at the Turner (AN: see, Nicole! I remembered it was Turner! Go me!) home talking to Elizabeth (for such a small woman, she sure had a big mouth! She hardly let Mary Ann slip a word in) and playing with Claire and Peter. She had steered clear of Jack Sparrow because she didn't exactly feel comfortable in his presence. She wasn't afraid of him, but from what she saw, their personalities clashed horribly and it left nothing but awkwardness around them.  
  
She was currently on the balcony with Peter and Claire, animatedly telling them a story about knights and dragons, acting out the parts and adding said children into the story. Little did she know, Jack and Will were watching from a neighboring balcony with amusement.  
  
Jack was impressed. He had never seen someone of high society act the humble way Mary Ann was acting right now. She had changed out of her elegant apparel and was in a simple blue dress. She had chucked the crown and her hair was swinging freely around her shoulders. She had a very active imagination and was acting more like a crazy six year old than the 175 years (she was 25 when she was turned into a frog, so that's how old she looks) she'd been around.  
  
She was sword fighting an invisible opponent when Elizabeth swept into the room and shouted, "What are you doing? We have to get ready for the ball!"  
  
"What?! We still have six hours!" Mary Ann said.  
  
"We need to pick out what you're going to wear and we need to do your hair and... oh lord, just come here!" Elizabeth said and dragged Mary Ann into her room.  
  
Jack turned to Will and shook his head, "Poor girl. With 'er intelligence level, I doubt she'll be able to make it ou' alive after bein' in there with tha' quick witted woman fer six hours."  
  
"Jack, I'm sure Mary Ann is much more insightful than she seems." Will replied.  
  
"I was talkin' abou' yer wife, mate." Jack replied with a smirk.  
  
How was it? The next chapter will be MUCH more eventful and than I can really kick off the plot, alrighty? Now, if you liked it, REVIEW and tell a friend about it. If you didn't like it, REVIEW and tell an enemy about it so they'll be stuck wasting their time reading this piece of crap like you! So, either way, REVIEW!  
  
Question: Are there any Elizabeth fans out there??? 


	4. Almost to the plot!

Hey everyone! IMPORTANT: Ok, so far, I've got one person telling me they're an Elizabeth fan, and one telling me they aren't. The reason I need to know this is because I'm not very fond of her and I was considering getting rid of her. But, than we get into the whole spiel about weather that would be fair to her kids and things like that. SO... if you haven't told me already, please tell me what you think about this. Elizabeth: yes? Or no?  
  
Goth Princess: Thanx! I feel so happy knowing this story is considered original! Tell me a.s.a.p. when I'm straying onto waaay too familiar grounds, k? I like knowing my story is different and I want to keep it that way!  
  
Snugglebnny87: Ok, here's the deal with Jack and Mary Ann: In the beginning, she was VERY happy that she wasn't a frog anymore and because Jack was the one who had saved her, she hugged him and all that good stuff. BUT... I tried to make Jack seem kinda nonchalant and indifferent about everything in front of her, so at this point in the story, she thinks he's kinda big headed and egotistical. Does that make any sense at all??? If it doesn't, PLEASE help me out and tell me what I can change.  
  
Soccerchic91588: I have this fairytale fetish right now, and I'm happy to know that I'm not the only one who thought the frog kissing prince charming thing was cool! I was really psyched when I saw that you reviewed my story, 'cause I adored Bandleader. I really suck, 'cause I have this phobia of reviewing stories. This is the third time this has happened! I really need to quit freaking out and tell people what I think of their stuff!  
  
Capnjacks-luckylady: Sweet! A kick ass job? That really boosts my self-esteem! You rock! My friends aren't the best people for advice on my stories because everyone is sarcastic (heh, including me) and it's hard to get an honest response from them. I had no idea if I was being funny or annoying and your review helped me tons! Go you!  
  
Ev1lSandwh1ch: Isn't it the best when you act like a six-year old?! I mean, the world is so much more fun that way and you have much less to worry about! Once again, I'm SO happy that you think my story is original! YAY!  
  
Wenamedthemonkeyjack: Wow, another ego-booster! Thanx so much! You rock!  
  
Smiley Cad: Caitiebell can do your hair cool and if I were rich, I'd give you cool dresses! Unfortunately, I'm not rich, so I can give you imaginary cool dresses. Just make sure you wear some real clothes underneath them!!! I hope this chapter is more exciting for you and I hope your scull gets bettah!  
  
Last chapter: "I was talkin' abou' yer wife, mate." Jack replied with a smirk.  
  
After much more prepping than Mary Ann was comfortable with, she and Elizabeth were ready for the party. Mary Ann wearing a red dress and Elizabeth clad in blue.  
  
Mary Ann gracefully made her way down the stairs to where Jack and Will were, with Elizabeth trailing behind. It looked quite impressive, except because Elizabeth insisted on wearing a ridiculously poofy dress, she tripped and somersaulted her way down the stairs, landing on her butt.  
  
Luckily, Mary Ann had leaped out of the way just in time. Jack sniggered at Elizabeth, but tried to cover it up with a cough as Will glared at him and helped Elizabeth up.  
  
"Well, we shoul' probably make our way to dear James' home now, aye? Don't want to keep 'im waiting." Jack said, hooking arms with Mary Ann and strolling to the door.  
  
"Jack, you can't go! You're wanted and they'll hang you the first chance they get! Besides, who's going to look after Claire and Peter while we're gone?" Will said as Elizabeth visibly paled at the last sentence.

½ hour later at Norrington's house  
  
"Mary Ann! It's so good of you to make it! Come, you must meet my mother..." Commodore Norrington said as he lead her off to a corner where there was an old woman sitting with her back facing them. _Oh, goody!_ Mary Ann thought.  
  
He lead her around the chair and Mary Ann almost fainted.She was damn sure that the lady sitting in the chair was Caddie, the sorceress who had turned her into a frog all those years ago. She looked as old as she did then, covered in wrinkles, beady black eyes, rotting teeth... what a beauty!  
  
"Mary Ann, this is my Mother, Winifred. Mother, this is Mary Ann. She's visiting the Turners and she's absolutely delightful..." Norrington rambled on, but neither Mary Ann, nor his mother were paying attention. Their eyes locked and Winifred looked so mad, she could have made any child in a 3-mile vicinity wet itself.  
  
"Well, I must say it's a pleasure to meet you," Winifred said, her old, cackling voice dripping with sarcasm.  
  
"Really, the pleasure is mine." Mary Ann replied, matching her sarcasm.  
  
"Would you mind excusing us for a moment, James?" Winifred asked as she grabbed Mary Ann's arm with one of her cold, bony, sweaty (AN: EW!) hands and led her out to a balcony.  
  
Once outside, Winifred got right in Mary Ann's face and angrily said, "Why the hell are you here?! You were supposed to be frog forever! You stupid little girl, how did you get back? ANSWER ME! As long as you're gone, I have unlimited power and I'm immortal! You weren't supposed to come back! HOW DID YO GET BACK???"  
  
Mary Ann calmly wiped Winifred's spittle out of her face (AN: double EW!) and replied, "I'm not as helpless as you think-"  
  
Without warning, Winifred whipped out a crooked gold stick (it's a magic wand if you guys couldn't figure that out, lol) and aimed it at Mary Ann, but before she could do anything, Elizabeth, Will, and Norrington conveniently showed up to talk to them.  
  
"I'm terribly sorry, but I'm not feeling very well, I think I'll go back now. It was a lovely party and I'm sorry I have to leave so early." Mary Ann said politely.  
  
Will and Elizabeth noticed her urgency and decided to go with her.  
  
"Well, Mary Ann. I shall be seeing you again very soon. I'll keep in touch and we can get together when you're feeling well again." Winifred said in a tone that was clearly hinting that she wished Mary Ann never to get well again and if she was feeling better, Winifred would happily "fix" that. As Mary Ann passed her, Winifred whispered, "we WILL meet again and we'll sort this out once and for all."

The three quickly made their way back to the Turner home without saying much in case anyone was planning on eavesdropping, but as soon as the front door was closed behind them, Elizabeth gave into her gossiping ways and blurted, "What happened back there?"  
  
"It was Caddie! That evil bitch that turned me into a frog! Caddie is Winifred Norrington!" Mary Ann said.  
  
Jack, who had just entered the room visibly shuddered and asked, "Tha' pompous git got married? I imagine she's gotta be hideous ta resort ta marrying 'im."  
  
"Not his wife, his mother! And she's seething with anger because I'm back. She somehow worked the spell, so that as long as I was a frog, she'd have unlimited power, and could apparently live forever." Mary Ann said, "She's not happy at all and she said we'd "sort it out" soon! What on God's green earth should I do?!"  
  
_I'm up for it!_ Jack thought and smirked. He considered voicing his offer, but remembered Mary Ann's opinion of him (stupid). He didn't want her to think she was worthy of the great Captain Jack Sparrow.  
  
Here's where the plot starts to kick in! I know this chapter wasn't funny, but I had to start speeding this story up! Hang in there people! It'll get more exciting! I promise! I'm trying to get a chapter up at least every other day and I think it'll all be interesting and exciting soon, k? REVIEW PLEASE!!!! 


	5. The 1 reason why you should always pay a...

Okie Dokie, I'm still not sure what I'm gonna do about my Elizabeth predicament. I might make her live and than have one final vote at the end and get rid of her as a goodbye present, LOL.  
  
Shout-outs (are we allowed to have these things?)  
  
Snugglebnny: SHHHH!!! You're too smart for your own good! You'll find out more about the whole Norrington deal later on!  
  
XxXthesicknessXxX: Wahoo! Another person to add to my "most wonderful people on earth" list! Thank you so much!  
  
Metalbitch18: Here ya go! Geeze, I feel like the plot isn't moving fast enough! Let me know how this is working and if it's moving fast enough!  
  
Goth Princess: YAY! I'm glad you didn't see that coming! I am trying to keep this from being predictable and I'm glad it's working for at least one person! Thanx a bunch!  
  
Smile Cad: Yes, I remember that lecture and I'm keeping it in mind. UPDATE YOUR STORY!!! I mean it!  
  
Capnjacks-luckylady: Thanx so much! I'm relieved to know that you think the plot's interesting because I couldn't tell if it was too slow moving or not.  
  
Soccerchic91588: Heck, she creeps me out too and I made her up! LOL. Thanx for reviewing and I hope ya like this chapter!  
  
Wenamedthemonkeyjack: YAY! You're hooked! That makes me very happy and I hope I can keep ya hooked!  
  
Last chapter: I'm up for it! Jack thought and smirked. He considered voicing his offer, but remembered Mary Ann's opinion of him (stupid). He didn't want her to think she was worthy of the great Captain Jack Sparrow.  
  
The following day, Mary Ann found herself walking through a garden near the fort with Commodore Norrington.  
  
"Mary Ann, my mother really likes you. She simply couldn't stop asking about you!" The Commodore gushed.  
  
Mary Ann nodded and put on her best _Are you aware that you are as stupid as a pile of hamster droppings?_ smile. _Likes me, my ass! She wants to turn me into a fricking FROG! Well, if that doesn't scream I hate you than I don't know what does...  
_  
She was shaken out of her silent Caddie-bashing session when she noticed the Commodore looking at her expectantly.  
  
She realized he had asked her a question and she hesitantly replied, "Ah, yes?".  
  
"Wonderful! I'll pick you up at 7 than! My mother will be so happy!" Norrington replied.  
  
_Ok, back away slowly! It'll all be ok! Deep breathes. Count to ten. Aw, who am I kidding?! I'm screwed! What in the name of plum pudding did I just agree to? Shit, I'm in deep now!_ Mary Ann thought.  
  
"Seven o'clock, tonight?" Mary Ann questioned, hoping she could get some answers without having to admit that she wasn't listening.  
  
"We'll just be planning everything tonight. We won't be leaving until about a week of course." He said.  
  
It was about this time, or a millisecond later, that Mary Ann started to loose her calm frame of mind. _Leaving?! What?! Who said anything about leaving? Leaving with Norrington's mom? Wait, what? Aw, I should REALLY start paying attention more!  
_  
"Of course. Now, if you don't mind, I think I better lie down. I'm feeling a bit faint." Mary Ann said whilst fluttering her eyelashes and putting the back of her hand against her forehead to make the situation appear more dramatic. She smiled weakly and backed up. Once out of the Commodore's line of vision, she ran as fast as her heels could take her back to the Turner household.  
  
"Did Barbossa just expose himself again?" Jimmy the baker asked Tommy the butcher as they watched the Mary Ann race through the streets in terror.  
  
Tommy the butcher just shook his head and said solemnly, "Tha's the third time this week."  
....................................................................................................................................................

Jack had just seated himself at the Turner's kitchen table when Mary Ann burst through the door. She had to dodge the table because of all of her momentum and she skidded to a halt right before she hit the wall.  
  
Her chest was heaving as she desperately tried to fill her lungs with air (Jack noticed this, and tried as hard as he could to keep dirty thoughts away. Jack: "Hey, 'tis no' my fault! You were th' one who used th' word "chest" an' I can't help it if tha' catches me attention!" _MEN!_ Jack: "Pirate".)  
  
"Norrington's mom gasp taking me on a trip gasp seven o'clock gasp gonna be a frog again gasp YOU'VE GOTTA HELP ME!" And with that, Mary Ann's eyes rolled into the back of her head, and she fainted.  
  
Jack saw her go down, and he awkwardly tried to catch her. Unfortunately, he was just a little too late, so he ended up standing up abruptly and looking around, acting casual. After noticing that there was no one around to see his clumsiness, he ducked back down and tried to pick Mary Ann up.  
  
He put an arm under her knees and one under her back and tried standing up. Apparently, she weighed more than she seemed, because he practically steam-rolled her, when he lost his balance.  
  
He tried several more times, but none were more effective as his final plan of action. He ended up putting his hands beneath her armpits (AN: Well, that's special) and began dragging her.  
  
After slaving away for about a half-hour, Jack finally got Mary Ann to her bedroom door. He turned and opened the door and when he turned back around, he found her staring back up at him.  
  
"Jack, what am I doing on the floor?" She asked.  
  
_Wha' are ye doin' on the floor?! I'll tell ye what yer doin' on the floor! I went ta all this trouble of draggin' ye up here in efforts ta make ye comfortable an' fer me ta appear chivalrous, an' ye WAKE BEFORE I EVEN GET THERE! I was a measly ten feet from yer bed an' ye WAKE UP?! This is NOT how it was supposed ta happen! Ye were supposed ta wake up all warm an' comfortable in yer bed an' ye were supposed ta thank me endlessly and as a reward fer my efforts, I was supposed ta be able ta shag ye senseless. But THIS IS WHA' I GET?!_ Jack mentally screamed.  
  
"What_ are_ ye doin' on the floor, love? You've gone loony if ye ask me." Jack replied calmly.  
  
"Sparrow, I don't think you- OH MY GOD! What the hell am I going to do?! I accidentally agreed to go with the Commodore to plan some crazy trip with his mom!" She said, getting up from the floor.  
  
"How did ye accidentally agree ta somethin'?" Asked Jack.  
  
Mary Ann looked at the ground and sheepishly replied, "Well, I wasn't exactly paying attention and I... well, I..."  
  
"Ye answered withou' thinkin'?" Jack supplied and Mary Ann gave an embarrassed nod, "No worries. I know tha' it's probably hard fer ye ta use tha' brain o' yers. Or at least wha' little o'a brain ye have.'  
  
Mary Ann's jaw dropped, "Excuse me??"  
  
Jack waved his hand nonchalantly and replied, "Yer excused, luv."  
  
She gaped at him even more (if that was possible), "MR. Sparrow! Never in my life have I seen such a display of rudeness! Here I am, in a very unpleasant situation, and all you can do is insult me?!" She got up and shoved him against the wall, "Now, listen here. I have enough problems to begin with, and I do NOT need you to add to the list of them, do I make myself clear?!"  
  
She pointed her finger an inch from his nose and glared at him. After attempting to focus on her finger (but only finding himself cross- eyed), he looked at her and did the first thing that came to his mind.  
  
He leaned toward her and-  
  
There ya go, ladies! I think this chapter is probably my favorite so far, I have no clue why, but I do have one thing to say to y'all. REVIEW!!! 


	6. Damn you, plexiglas!

Woah! Loads more reviewers! You guys ROCK!!! You make me so happy!!!  
  
Wenamedthemonkeyjack: WOW! THANK YOU! You are SO nice! I hope you didn't have a heart attack; LOL; it would be a shame to lose you!  
  
Sugarcoatedlies: That's perfectly fine that you thought you'd hate it. I'm just happy that you found it interesting! That is an even more valuable review because it makes me feel like I was a good enough writer to keep ya interested! Thanx!  
  
Idril Falastari: Thanx! I hope you find the rest as funny!  
  
Snugglebnny: Here ya go, now you can find out!  
  
Ev1lSandwh1ch: Eeeek! I love monkeys, but I don't want rabies, so, here ya go!  
  
Psyco dragon lover: Thank you SO much for your help! I've got oodles of ideas, but I need more of your help thinking of freak accidents. I'll e-mail you, k?  
  
BlackJackSilver: I know, I know, I couldn't spell my way out of a paper bag, but I can't figure out how to go back and change those mistakes! When I tried, I got worried that everything would get screwed up, so I stopped. HELP!  
  
Goth Princess: I laughed SO hard when I read your review! Have you written any stories? You'd be great writing a parody or something! I have to agree, I would not want to be in Mary Ann's position right now (although, I wouldn't mind, literally being in her position (pressing Jack against the wall, LOL)). I would definitely rather be doing a million things than go on a trip with Norrington and his mom!  
  
Capnjacks-luckylady: YAY (I use that word way too much, I need a new one, any suggestions?)! You're awesome! I just couldn't help ending my chapter like that! I didn't know if people would even care, so I decided to try it. Here's the rest:  
  
Dimonah Tralon: I am SO happy! I was just talking with my friend, Cad, and I mentioned that you had reviewed my newsie story and I missed hearing from ya and HERE YOU ARE!!! I didn't realize this until after I finished my newsie story, but by any chance, did you write Forever Yours? I LOVE that story and you MUST write a sequel!!! Anyways, when I get my thoughts organized, I'll e-mail you about my other story, and hopefully you can help me out! THANX SO MUCH! Oh yeah, and I am overjoyed that you found the story better than you originally thought! Wahoo!  
  
AHHHHHHHH! I'm a motor mouth! SORRY! I tried to make the shout- outs shorter this time and I STILL got carried away! AHHH! I'm rambling again! I've kept you long enough, HERE YA GO:  
  
Last chapter: He leaned toward her and-  
  
_ His hand was shaking with anticipation as he devoured her full lips in one single passionate swipe. He became intoxicated with her scent and he felt his hands begin to paw greedily at her voluptuous curves. His hands found the strings of her corset and he quickly began undoing them. With one great tug, he-_ (AN1)  
  
_Oh no! Ye are NO' supposed ta be thinkin' these things abou' Mary Ann! Remember, she called ye stupid! Wake up! Helloooooo! NO! Bad Jack! Do NO' look at 'er lips! Quick, say something witty! She's putty on yer hands! Say something ta insult HER and see 'ow SHE likes it! Jack.... Yer looking at her lips again! But she's looking at my lips! This shoul' be easy! I'll just kiss 'er and sweep 'er off 'er feet, and- NO! Yer acting like putty in HER hands! Yer the infamous Captain Jack Sparrow! A woman shoul' never 'ave control over ye! Got it? Now, quick, say something! _Jack thought as he realized he was having fantasies about Mary Ann.

Jack leaned closer and about a ½ inch from her lips he whispered, "Inescapably clear." (AN: HAH! You, sex maniacs, you! I bet you don't even remember why he said that, do ya? You guys were so wrapped up in Jack's thoughts that you forgot what they were even talking about! Or... the fact that you all forgot what he was talking about was because I suck and I didn't get this chapter up soon enough. I'll go with that one. AHH! Rambling again!)  
  
Mary Ann's POV  
  
_What the hell was that?! You almost kissed him, you dolt! He's a womanizer! He'd use you! Heck, he probably doesn't even like you! He's probably going to be laughing at you right when you leave because you became so hot and bothered! BE STRONG, GIRL!  
_  
"Good. Now, ah, I demand that you, ah, help me... now...please?" she said and mentally kicked herself for sounding so uncertain.  
  
Jack smirked and said, "well, luv, it seems ta me... like ye 'ave a problem."  
  
"Wow, thanks so much! You just helped me heaps! Did anyone ever tell you that you are quite possibly the brightest man on the face of the earth?" Mary Ann said sarcastically, but still had a small hint of urgency in her voice. She was loosing patience with this man, very quickly and was completely out of ideas.  
  
Jack brushed off her catty remark with a wave of his hand, and said, "'Ere's wha' I suggest ye do...nothin'."  
  
"Oh, well, that is SUCH a brilliant idea! But here's a better one: Why don't you take your brilliant ideas and shove them up your-"  
  
"There's no need fer harsh words, luv, jus' let things run their course. Jus' sit back an' take things as they come."  
  
"Alright, you are officially crazy! How can you say that? I'm going to be a frog again, Jack, a FROG! Do you understand that?! I can not just sit back and do nothing!"  
  
"Fine. If ye don' wan' me help, good luck on yer own!" Jack said, turning his back to her.  
  
Mary Ann took a deep breath, instantly regretting what she was about to do, "Wait. Was that all the advice you had? Just, do nothing?"  
  
Jack smirked and turned around, _got 'er righ' where I wan' 'er_, "Well, if yer REALLY agains' this. I could go with ye."  
  
"Oh, that's just fucking wonderful, Jack! Just waltz right into the Commodore's house (AN: HAHA! He still lives with his mom! Aw, I shouldn't make fun of him. Sorry!) when you're a WANTED MAN?!"  
  
"No, no, no. Ye've got it all wrong, luv. I'll be there, bu' I won' really be there. Savvy?"  
  
Mary Ann shook her head and questioned herself "Why do I even bother?"  
  
"I'll jus' sit ou'side, an' if ye get into trouble, jus' say... ah... jus' say 'Jack is a sexy rogue'" He said and smiled cheekily.  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Aw, come on. Ye can't jus' say ''elp me, Jack'. 'Tis a bit obvious, aye?"  
  
"Oh, and 'Jack's a sexy rogue' is so much better?"  
  
"No, but I jus' got' ye ta say it! Honestly, if you really feel' tha' way, ye could've jus' told me righ' away. More time ta have fun tha' way." Jack replied and winked.  
  
"Jack, I-"  
  
Jack gently put his finger to her lips and said, "Shhhhh! Don' say anythin'." (Like at the end when he says "Elizabeth, it would never have worked between us...") And with that he turned and walked out of the room, leaving a seething Mary Ann behind.  
  
_ Admit it! You liked that! I did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! FINE! So what if I did?! There's nothing wrong with that, right? Right? Ok, so I enjoyed that a bit, it's not like I'll become obsessed or anything. Yeah, so what if he is kinda cute when he walks, and the way he slurs his speech, and the way his dreds fly all over when he moves. Crap. I'm screwed._  
  
6:56 p.m.  
  
"Mary Ann! The Commodore's here to see you." Elizabeth called up the stairs.  
  
"Listen, I'll follow behind ye and eavesdrop. Th' minute I think o' somethin', I'll let ye know an' we can find a way ta get ye ou' o' this, savvy?" Jack said as Mary Ann was stepping out into the hallway (AN: Oooooooh! They were in her bedroom! ALONE! LOL, just kidding, they won't even admit they like each other yet).  
  
"How are you going to let me know without them seeing you?" Mary Ann said, voice filled with anxiety.  
  
"Don' worry. 'Tis all up 'ere." He replied, pointing to his forehead.  
  
She rolled her eyes and began down the stairs.  
  
"Mary Ann! You look ravishing!" The Commodore said.  
  
_Oh, I'm sorry. You just made me throw up in my mouth_. "Why thank you, Commodore."  
  
"Shall we?" He asked as he held out his arm to lead her out.  
  
_Only if I get to castrate you in the process._ "Of course." She replied  
with the most unrealistic smile she could muster.  
  
Meanwhile, two stories up...  
  
Jack stealthily clambered out off of Mary Ann's balcony and to the window ledge below.  
  
Nine curse words and two flesh wounds from an offending tree later, Jack was on the ground and a good distance from Mary Ann's retreating back. _Mmmmm, an' wha' a nice backside it is..._ he thought, but quickly focused on the task at hand when she turned around and gave him a sharp glare.  
  
Mary Ann's POV  
  
"These are beautiful flowers, don't you think so?" The Commodore asked.  
  
"Sure." She replied, zoning out again.  
  
"While we're on the subject... have you ever thought about getting married?" He asked.  
  
Mary Ann's expression was a mix between a deer in the headlights, and someone who had a severe case of seasickness. _Since when were we talking about marriage?! I thought he said something about flowers! Geeze, I'll never learn..._  
  
"Never!" She said quickly, and after hearing a chuckle from behind them she quickly added, "I... don't believe in marriage."  
  
"Don't believe in marriage?" Norrington questioned.  
  
"Well, I believe in it, it's just that...um... I've decided to pledge my life to the Greek goddess Artemis. Therefore, I've decided not to marry." She said with a weak smile.  
  
Commodore Norrington gave her a curious glance, but made a silent pact with himself that he would make her change her mind.  
  
After walking for another 5 minutes full of painful silance, they finally arrived at the Commodore's jinormous estate, and lookie here! Who's that old, saggy, ugly, monstrosity there in the doorway? Why, it's our dear friend, Caddy!  
  
"Mary Ann, dear. How nice to see you again! Come inside, come inside! James, would you mind letting us talk in private for a minute?" The bag lady also known as Caddy asked.  
  
Norrington looked a might unsure, but Caddy glared at him and he plastered a fake smile on and said he would be happy to comply.  
  
Caddy grasped Mary Ann's arm to the point of cutting off circulation and led her into a sitting room. She shoved her towards a sofa and closed and locked the door.  
  
"So... heh, what about this trip thingy?" Mary Ann asked, politely trying to make conversation.  
  
"Oh, please! Like I'd want to travel with you! That's just an excuse so no one will come looking for you after you've been turned back into a frog!" Caddy replied with an evil smirk.  
  
"Oh... crap." Was all Mary Ann managed to get out.  
  
"Now," Caddy said, whipping out her wand again, "Let's get this over with-"But she was interrupted by a loud thump from outside and a muffled, "damn to the depths whatever man thought up shrubbery!"  
  
Jack's head became visible from the bushes and he rushed up to the window. He heroically tried to break in, but those windows must've been made of high-quality Plexiglas because the only thing he succeeded in doing, was to make a rather large dent in his forehead and a resounding echo around the sitting room.  
  
"Bloody window." He said as he ran around to the front door. The door handle to the sitting room jiggled violently and you could hear various curse words leak into the room.  
  
After a brief moment of silance, there was a tremendous 'thump' and "oof" as the result of Jack's attempts to break down the door. He continued ramming the door without mercy, and through the duration of his attempts, Mary Ann and Caddy sat in an awkward silance, staring at the door.  
  
"Where are the bloody guards when you need them?" Caddy mumbled, and Mary Ann silently began repeating her mantra for the past couple of minutes 'I do not know him. I do not know him. I do not know him.'  
  
After another 3 minutes, Caddy exasperatedly said, "Oh, this is just ridiculous!" and unlocked the door.  
  
Jack casually tipped his hat and said "Thanks very much." And he took a seat next to Mary Ann.  
  
"Well, well, well, Captain Jack Sparrow. Long time no see, hm?" Caddy said.  
  
"Too long if ye ask me." He said as Mary Ann rolled her eyes.  
  
"Enough with the pleasantries, Sparrow. I'm going to turn this wench into a frog, and nothing is going to stop me!" Caddy said, once again, raising her wand level with Mary Ann's head.  
  
Jack gently pushed the wand down and said, "Now jus' hold on a momen'. Ye won' wan' ta do anythin' rash, now, would ya? Why no' give 'er a chance ta remain human?"  
  
"Oh, how cute. Is Captain Jack Sparrow sticking up for this helpless little worm? You do realize I could kill you both, right this instant with just a few words." Caddy said in a taunting, sickeningly sweet voice. Meanwhile, Mary Ann was holding on to her last thread of patience before she rushed forward and kicked the shit out of Caddy.  
  
"I'm no' sticking up fer 'er, I'm jus' making a point. Why no' give 'er a chance ta remain a human? If ye really are as great as ye say ye are, than it should be easy ta defeat 'er, righ'? I mean, look at 'er, she's a pushover, aye?" Jack said and was suddenly aware of Mary Ann clenching her fists. Dead man walkin'!  
  
Caddy laughed, "I can see what you're getting at, Sparrow. I know you're trying to buy the lady some time and than you think you can miraculously get away and add another legend to your list. I'll tell you what, Captain... I'll humor you, and take you up on that offer. You'll be sorry that you ever even suggested it, because now, instead of just this pathetic princess, you're even more involved. Meet me at the docks tomorrow morning at sunrise and I'll start you out on these...tests. Don't even think about escaping either, because I have powers you can't even begin to imagine."  
  
"Fine, do we 'ave an accord, than?" Jack said, sticking out his hand.  
  
Caddy laughed maliciously again and shook his hand, "very well, Sparrow."  
  
"Well, it was a pleasure speaking with you. Now, if you'll excuse us, we'll be on our way now." Jack said as he grabbed Mary Ann's arm and dragged her out of the house.  
  
Mary Ann shook herself out of the stupor she was in, "What just happened in there?" Her anger was bottled up and she was trying desperately not to go postal.  
  
"I saved your ass, that's what happened. No need to thank me." He said smugly. Remember that bottle I mentioned just now? The one with Mary Ann's anger in it? Well, it just shattered and her anger bubbled to the surface.  
  
Now, if someone chose this exact moment to write an essay on anger management, Mary Ann would not be a good example of someone who keeps their cool. Her eyes flashed maliciously as she took one gigantic swipe at Jack's face.  
  
Jack wasn't expecting this, thus he ended up with a shattered nose. Mary Ann gave a satisfied sigh and said, "Man, that felt good!"  
  
OK, I would REALLY appreciate it if you all could review! I had SUCH a hard time with this chapter (that's why it took so long!) and I've been working on it for SOOOOOO long! I just felt like I couldn't get everything right, and I hate that feeling, but I didn't think it was fair to keep you all hanging after I stopped mid-sentence last chapter! PLEASE REVIEW! If you only review once (which I hope isn't the case), make it be for this chapter, I need loads of help right now!!!  
  
AN1: Special thanx to my buddy, Lexie for helping with that little steamy moment in Jack's mind at the beginning! That entire paragraph was her's! YAY! Go, Lexie!!! 


	7. SMOOCHES!

Damn you writer's block!!!! I know what I want to say, I just don't know how to say it. ARGH! Anyways, I'm no longer going to respond to reviews from now on because I'm a lame-ass loser who is scared of my story being removed. I love you all, though, from the bottom of my heart, I do. Please keep reviewing and if you have a question or want me to reply, leave your e-mail address and I'll get back to ya, k?

Onward!

Last Chapter: Jack wasn't expecting this, thus he ended up with a shattered nose. Mary Ann gave a satisfied sigh and said, "Man, that felt good!"

Jack was dumbstruck. He heaved himself back upright again and gave Mary Ann a withering glare.

"I 'elp ye get away from tha' wench an' this is th' thanks I get?!" he yelled.

"Oh yeah, you helped me, but in the MOST DEMEANING WAY POSSIBLE!" Mary Ann yelled back.

"Bu' I saved yer life! Why are ye so mad?" he asked.

"WHY AM I MAD??? Does 'look at 'er, she's a pushover' mean anything to you?" Mary Ann shouted and used an over exaggerated drunken slur when imitating Jack.

"Why do ye have ta be so damn incorrigible, woman?" Jack said harshly, and as Mary Ann raised her fist again, he grabbed her arm, "I did tha' ta save ye! I was tryin' ta help ye! If I said 'look at 'er, ye'll never be able ta beat 'er' do ye think she'd be very willing ta give ye a chance???"

Mary Ann stayed silent and Jack just sighed, let go of her arm, and walked briskly away.

_Shit. _Was all Mary Ann could think.

Jack walked into the Turner home and slammed the door behind him. He was beyond pissed, yet he felt a tad depressed too. He didn't know why he went out of his way for her, and he didn't know what he expected her to do afterwards, but he certainly didn't expect her to punch him. _Why are ye lettin' 'er get ta ya, Sparrow? She's jus' a wench an' she's no' worth it! From now on, I'm gonna quit tryin'. No more lustin' after 'er, I'll jus' leave fer Tortuga as soon as this is all over an' everythin' will be 'ow it should._

Meanwhile, Mary Ann slowly made her way back to the Turner home. She was stubborn, but she had made up her mind. She sighed as she walked into Jack's room and found him cleaning his pistol.

"Uh... Jack?" She asked and waited for a response. He grunted and she continued, "Uh, look, I just came here to uh... to say..." and she mumbled something inaudible.

Jack smirked and looked up. Wrong move. She looked stressed and upset and all his resolve went flying out the window. Luckily, he managed to keep his cool, but there was no way he could just ignore her like he was planning on doing.

"Wha' was tha', luv? I didn' quite catch tha'." He said, making his way toward her.

"I said... I'm... sorry. I kind of understand why you did that and I guess...uh... I guess I should say thank you as well." She looked at the floor and struggled with all of her might not to take it back. She knew he was smirking at her and she hated the feeling that she somehow surrendered to him.

Indeed, he was smirking so much he was surprised his face didn't get stuck that way. He knew she must be feeling embarrassed, so his first thought was, _let's take this a bit further, shall we?_

Once again, he leaned forward, and before she knew what he was doing, he kissed her. She was shocked at first, but wrapped her arms around his neck and deepened the kiss after a second.

He smirked again and pulled away, "Ye best be getting' some rest. We 'ave a big day tomorrow."

She was dumbstruck and slowly nodded. Without a word, she turned and left the room.

_Oh, yeah! She wants me._ Was Jack's last thought before he drifted off to sleep.

.............................................................................................................................................

The next morning, Mary Ann awoke to see dark brown eyes staring right into hers. Jack's eyes.

She screamed and jumped, succeeding in slamming her head into Jack's scull.

"Bloody 'ell, woman. Must ye always wound me? Honestly, it's alrigh' if ye like it rough, but give a man some warnin'!" He said, clutching his poor forehead and Mary Ann couldn't help but notice that he had a large purple bruise on his nose.

"Sorry." She mumbled shyly. She was extremely embarrassed about kissing Jack the night before and was now unsure of how to act around him. She hated herself for it, and would never admit it, but she sincerely enjoyed that brief kiss.

"Get up an' get dressed. We gotta get down ta th' docks now." Jack said. When Mary Ann didn't make a move he continued, "By now, I mean sometime in the nex' three seconds... if tha's alrigh' with ye."

Mary Ann nodded as Jack rolled his eyes and left the room. She quickly got dressed and left the room, deciding to act like the kiss never happened. She met Jack at the bottom of the stairs and they made their way to the docks.

.........................................................................................................................................

"I thought you wouldn't show." Caddy said as they approached.

"Cut the crap, Caddy (AN: hey, I just realized that I've been spelling Caddie differently, sorry!). What do we have to do?" Mary Ann asked.

"Careful, _princess_, or I might change my mind about giving you a chance. Now, I've set up a few...tests for you two. Call it a scavenger hunt. If you pass all five tests, consider yourselves free, but I wouldn't get your hopes up. I do have the gift of premonitions and I don't think you should have too much faith in yourselves."

Mary Ann laughed nervously and Jack said, "So 'ow do we start?"

"Get on your ship, Mr. Sparrow. Sail to Antigua and find Half Moon Bay beach. There, you must find the hollow Tamarind tree. (AN: Hey, Dudettes, just to let you know, this isn't one of the tests yet, k?)" Caddy replied.

"Riiiiiiiiiiiight. So, did you catch any of that?" Mary Ann whispered to Jack.

"'s all up 'ere, luv." Jack said, pointing to his head and winking. To Caddie, he asked, "so, what do we do at this... tree?"

"Good luck, Sparrow. You'll have to figure that out on your own. I'll be in touch. Oh, and if you aren't successful in two weeks (AN1), I wouldn't count on being human too much longer." Caddy said (the last bit to Mary Ann), and with that, she left.

Ok, here's the deal, ladies. I only have three of the five "tests" planned, so I'm having a CONTEST!!! YAY! Cue cheesy game-show music!!! You guys get to choose what Mary Ann and Jack hafta do! How fun!!! So, in your review, gimme ideas and I'll see what I can do, k? WAHOOOOOOOOO!!!

AN1: I have no idea how long it takes to sail around the Caribbean and everything, so I just guessed. If I'm wrong, don't sue me, k?


	8. GASP! I didn't see that one coming!

WAHOO! I MADE IT PASSED 50 REVIEWS!!!! YAY!!!! On the other hand, to hell with ! I don't care, I'm going to respond to reviews because I wanna! There. That felt good. By the way, who else is mega pissed that they banned you fics??? Here are the review responses for the last two chapters:

Smiley Cad: Hey, those were some good ideas!!! Thanx bunches, Lowly First Mate, LOL.

Splashey: Howdy! LOL, I would love to see your teacher's reaction if you said really casually "yeah, I'm a tavern wench."! Lordy, I know, I love that song 'Ticket to Heaven' I also love that song 'Goin' Down in Flames', but I pretty much like all of the songs on that CD. This chapter's dedicated to you and Goth Princess 'cause both of you guys sent me nice, happy e-mails, and made my sucky week a LOT better! YAY! Warm and fuzzy moment!

Goth Princess: If you'll look above at the second half of Splashey's response, you'll see that this dedicated to Y-O-U, you and Splashey!!! Yay! You both sent me nice e-mails and made my sucky week considerably better, thanx bunches, chica!

Savi: Thanx so much! I'm glad you thought it was funny, but unfortunately, I'm a bit short of ideas on how to make it more funny as of now. Sit tight, though, I'll try my best!

Psyco Dragon Lover: Aww, the e-mail threat wasn't so threatening, considering I don't mind your e-mails one little bit, but here's the next chapter anyways.

Ev1l Sandwh1ch: Don't worry, it'll heal soon, I promise!

XxXthesicknessXxX: Your review was so nice! I get snaps? YAY! LOL, didja by any chance get that from Legally Blonde 2? If you didn't, woah! You read my mind, LOL.

Wenamedthemonkeyjack: Ya know, I think I might do that too. Someone will come and try and abduct me and I'll yell "Jack's a sexy rouge" and they'll probably be so weirded out, that they'll just let me go! LOL.

Polochicjilly: Thanx so much! You are SO nice! I hope you like the rest...

Sugar coated lies: Thanx bunches... here ya go!

Dimonah Tralon: So, do you think you guys'll write a sequel to "Forever Yours"? I loved it so much! Oh yeah, and I'll probably e-mail you sometime tomorrow with the details about my other story. I do need some help with it... I'll send ya details later...

Sorry for the wait!! Here's the next chapter!

Last chapter: "Good luck, Sparrow. You'll have to figure that out on your own. I'll be in touch. Oh, and if you aren't successful in two weeks, I wouldn't count on being human too much longer." Caddy said (the last bit to Mary Ann), and with that, she left.

"Well, this is just fucking great." Mary Ann mumbled.

Jack took her completely off guard by stating, "ye've changed."

"What the fuck are you on about?" She replied.

"There ye go again. When I firs' met ye, ye weren't as... feisty. Ye were more... delicate." He said, gesturing wildly. Mary Ann just stared at him and he grinned and continued, "I like me women feisty." With a wink, he turned and headed off towards town.

After a minute of shock, Mary Ann quickly caught up with him and they made there way to Will's house without a word.

............................................................................................................

Jack and Mary Ann entered the house and Jack called for Will. He was planning on saying a quick goodbye, grabbing a few supplies, and leaving.

There was no reply, and they looked all over, but didn't find him. In the last place they looked (outside in the garden), they found him. He was just sitting there, staring into space.

"Will? Why are ye out here? Where's 'Lizabeth? How come ye didn' answer me, boy?" Jack asked, but Will didn't even acknowledge them.

"What's wrong with ye'?" Asked Jack again.

"Elizabeth cheated on me... with the baker (AN: Woah! Even I didn't see that one comin'!)." Will replied, and finally looked at them.

He resembled a lost puppy. He wasn't crying, but instead looked rather sad, which is an understatement considering the man just found out that his wife, whom he thought was the love of his life, had cheated on him.

"She cheated on me." He continued, saying it, calmly, as if he were stating that the grass is green or a female baboon's arse is red.

"What?" Mary Ann said, shocked for the second time that day.

Will repeated that Elizabeth had cheated on him and proceeded to tell them what happened earlier.

**/Flashback/**

"Will, there's been something I've been meaning to talk to you about... You see, I wasn't going to tell you, but my conscience has been bugging me for months, and well... this is really hard to say..." Elizabeth trailed off as Will sat there, looking at her innocently, sucking on a lollipop.

"Will... I haven't exactly been faithful to you." She said. He continued to stare at her and she continued, "I just couldn't help it. I mean, there was this really hot guy named Jimmy that I met and we just sort of... you know, hit it off... Will, you're always at work, or with Jack or something and... well, Jimmy asked the children and me to come live with him. Will, I don't think we were really meant for each other..."

After a few seconds of Will continuing to stare at her, Will took the lollipop out of his mouth and said "I'm sorry, love. Were you talking to me? I just got this new Pop Radio (AN: has anyone heard of those? They're these lollipops on this stand thingy and when you bite it, you can hear the radio. They're awesome!) and I didn't hear a word you just said."

Elizabeth took a deep breath and re-told Will her secret.

**/End Flashback/**

"Oh, Will, I'm so sorry." Mary Ann said, giving Will a sisterly hug.

Jack laughed and said, "Woah, this is more fun than pilfering! I wonder 'ow they made this work..." as he continued to play with the Pop Radio (AN1).

"Jack! We don't have time for this! Put that down and round up your crew!" Mary Ann said. Jack frowned, but headed off. She looked at Will and said, "We're going on a little trip. Would you like to come with us? Come on, it'll be a chance to start a new life. You deserve to get out of here."

Will nodded and they headed inside.

3 days later

Will had become a bit more sociable. By the second half of the second day, they even got a "thanks" out of him when Jack passed the potatoes! Wow. Jack was still being annoying in Mary Ann's opinion and had continued shamelessly hitting on her. The crew of the Pearl didn't exactly like Mary Ann, so they pretty much steered clear of her. Due to the amount of irritation everyone was feeling (well, everyone minus Jack because he was too stinking drunk to be irritated), Mary Ann was VERY relieved to see land.

"'Ey, lovely! Why don' ya come over 'ere and keep Jack company, aye?" Jack called out, staring at Mary Ann. Well, actually three feet to the left of her. Ah, the power of rum!

Mary Ann just shook her head and walked passed him to go below deck to go to bed. Unfortunately, Jack's reflex's were quite good for someone as drunk as a skunk and he grabbed her around the waist and pulled her to him. Without a second's hesitation, he kissed her, rather passionately if I might add.

She wanted so badly to pull away from him and slap the gold right out of his teeth, but damn, he was a _good _kisser!

He pulled away for a minute to breathe and said, "I don' know wha' Gibbs was sayin'. Yer nose isn' tha' big!"

Her jaw dropped and he leaned in again for another kiss, but she pushed him away roughly.

"Wha's wrong?" He asked, stupidly.

She just growled and stormed off. Jack began to wonder what was wrong with her, but forgot what he was wondering about after a few seconds, so he began to song 'A Pirate's Life for Me' at the top of his lungs.

The Next Day

Aside from the fact that Jack had a helluva hangover, Mary Ann was still pissed at him, and he stubbed his toe, Jack was having a rather good morning. The island of Antigua was very close and he predicted that they would be docking in the next half-hour or so.

"Sparrow, if you don't mind me asking, how the hell are we going to find this Half Moon Bay beach and the fucking Tama-whatever tree?" A crisp female voice asked from behind him.

"I'll ignore th' fact tha' yer bein' so rude an' say tha' I've got an old friend here on this island tha' will 'elp us, no questions asked." He replied matter-of-factly.

An hour later and a half later, Will, Jack, and Mary Ann found themselves walking up a pathway to a quaint little white cottage. Jack rapped on the door and as soon as it opened, he was greeted with a slap across the face.

"Tiffany! So good ta see ya again, luv." Jack said rubbing the side of his face. He stepped a little to the side to avoid being slapped again and Mary Ann got a better look at this Tiffany.

She had brownish-blondish hair, and stunning blue-green eyes that were filled with hatred at the present moment. She was about a head shorter than Jack and Will, but clearly had more spunk than both of them combined.

"Well, well, well, Jack Sparrow." Jack looked like he was about to correct her, but she held her hand up and said, "Captain, yes, I know. I didn't think you'd have the balls to show your face around here again, but... here you are. Is there something you needed, because I thought I made it quite clear that I did NOT want to see you again."

"No questions asked, my ass." Mary Ann mumbled bitterly.

"Listen, Tiffany. I know we've 'ad our differences in the past, bu' we need yer 'assistance with something involving Caddy." Jack said smoothly, ignoring Mary Ann's comment.

Tiffany raised an eyebrow and ushered them inside.

AN1: Sorry about the Pop Radio thing! I couldn't resist! I know they didn't have 'em back then, but I really wanted to put it in! Sorry again!

PULEASE REVIEW! The more reviews I get, the faster I update! Honest! Once I get ten more reviews, I'll put up the next chapter!


	9. A visit from Aunt Flow

LISTEN UP, LADIES!!! Alrighty, I haven't updated for soooooooo long, and I thought I'd better get this up a.s.a.p. Buuuuuuuuuuuuut, it wasn't finished, so I split it in half and you guys can have the second chapter tomorrow or the next day, k? EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED GETS A NIFTY IMAGINARY POP RADIO BECAUSE IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO UPDATE! HUZZAH!! Onward...

Chatty291: Aloha, dear. I'm glad you love my story, and your help is greatly appreciated. I'll talk to ya soon, k?

Goth Princess: HEY! I have to thank you SO much for your encouragement and all around helpfulness! I seriously would have given up on this story long ago if it weren't for you! Thanx!

XxXthesicknessXxX: Thanx so much, and yep, there is such thing as a pop radio. I've got one and it is SO fun to play with! They came out with them a while ago though... I'm thinking maybe 3 or 4 years ago.

Polochicjilly: I know, I love shout-outs too! Don't they just make you feel loved? Well, there ya go! There's some love! YAY!

Savi: Pop radios are truly awesome and I feel crappy now because you asked for another chapter so nicely and it took me eons to get this up, so, here ya go and sorry for the wait!!!

Jackrox5292: Thanx so much! That's so nice of you! I'll try and update as much as I can, k?

Smiley Cad: SHUDDUP!! LOL, JK. I still need you to give me that Highway Man song! Poor Claude REEEAAALLY wants to learn it so he can serenade me ;)

Wenamedthemonkeyjack: GAWD! I AM SUCH AN AWEFUL PERSON!! You're hooked and I just leave you there! I am seriously sorry and the next update will be in the next 48 hours! Your review made me so happy! Thanx so much! P.S. It's not sad that you get excited. It boosts my self-esteem and makes me want to write more, so... yeah! Thanx!

Dimonah Tralon: YAY! A sequel!! I can't wait!!! The explanation on Mary Ann's personality changes is in this chapter, so I hope that makes it better!

Splashey: No, Jimmy the Baker is DEFINATLY not hotter than Will, Elizabeth just has really bad taste. Plus, I had to free Will up for ya, LOL!

Last chapter: "Listen, Tiffany. I know we've 'ad our differences in the past, bu' we need yer 'assistance with something involving Caddy." Jack said smoothly, ignoring Mary Ann's comment.

Tiffany raised an eyebrow and ushered them inside.

!#$%!$%!#!$%!$!&!!!!!!%!$( AN: I can't figure out how the hell to show that it's a new scene, so this'll hafta do, sorry!)

"Mother, I've been over to the Turner home to visit Mary Ann, and she isn't there. In fact, no one is there." Commodore James Norrington said to Caddy over dinner that night.

"I've heard that the Turner's have had some marital problems and are no longer together. Elizabeth is now living with that baker, Jimmy. It's a shame, really. She had so much going for her and she chose to live the dishonorable life. As for Mary Ann, I-"Caddy was about to say that she didn't know what happened to Mary Ann, but thought of a better idea. She mentally grinned, and displayed a look of farce concern, "am sorry to say, that she's been kidnapped."

"WHAT?! Why have I not been notified of this?" Norrington barked.

"James, dear. I knew that you'd be distraught. I didn't want to worry you." She replied.

"Do we have any suspects?" Norrington questioned.

"Well... there was a bystander who claimed to have seen a rather shady character carry her off."

"A shady character? What did he look like?"

"An odd fellow, wild dark hair with all manner of trinkets and beads in it. He had a red bandana and an old, worn tricorner hat. Lastly, it was reported that he was wearing some sort of black substance under his eyes. Rather strange, don't you think?" She said, slyly observing James' reaction over the rim of her tea cup as she took a sip.

"Sparrow." Was all that the Commodore said before he jumped up and made his way to the docks.

!#$%&%!$!#$!&&!$!$#!%$!%!

"All right, Sparrow. You have five minutes to explain yourself before I shove you out the door and on to your ass. Ready... go." Tiffany said after they had seated themselves at her kitchen table. Mary Ann would have laughed, thinking it was a joke, but Tiffany was avidly watching the clock behind Jack.

"Righ'. Well, I suppose you remember Caddy," Tiffany rolled her eyes and nodded, "I've 'ad the pleasure o' meeting 'er again. Ye see, Mary Ann 'ere is a princess, Caddy turned 'er into a frog, I kissed 'er an' bingo, 'ere she is, as 'human as ye or I. She wen' ta our dear friend Norrington's house and foun' out tha' Caddy is, in fact, Norrington's mother. Caddy, the power hungry wench tha' she is, wants ta turn Mary Ann into a frog again so she can be all-powerful, ect. I cleverly convinced 'er ta give us tests an' if we pass 'em, Mary Ann stays human, an' hopefully, I can get rid o' Caddy fer good. Think about it. We could finally get rid o' the bitch. So, wha' say you?" Jack slurred quickly, waving his arms around, and almost beheading Mary Ann in the process.

"A frog? Well, I wouldn't put it past her, but how do I know you're telling me the truth? Why should I help you even if it is true? I mean, out of the three of you, you are the only one I know, Sparrow, and if they are anything like you, I don't want anything to do with them." Tiffany responded, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Listen, luv. I know ye have every righ' ta be angry with me but-"Jack began, but Will interrupted him.

"Please help us." He said in a voice that made even Mary Ann want to bow down at his feet and do whatever he wanted, "I know Jack can be a scoundrel, but we really need your help."

Tiffany's icy exterior seemed to crumble and she said after a moment of hesitation, "All right, but afterwards, I want nothing to do with you, Sparrow."

"Done." He replied with a grin.

"Excuse me, Jack, but do you mind if I had a word with you, outside... alone, please?" Mary Ann asked.

Jack smirked, thinking she wanted to do something naughty and led her outside.

!#$!%&&%!&!!%!!%!()!&!&!!!!

"Sit down right now and tell me what the hell is going on. Back in Port Royal you and Caddy reacted as if you'd met before and now Tiffany knows her somehow?! How do you know Caddy?" Mary Ann ordered as Jack sat down on a stump.

"I don' know wha' yer talking abou', luv. I've never met Caddy before." He replied.

"AUGH! You make me so angry, Jack! What do you take me for? An idiot?" Mary Ann yelled.

"There goes tha' attitude again, luv."

Mary Ann gripped her hair, turned around and started ranting and raving about how idiotic Jack was, but instead of a cocky comment, she heard him take a sharp breath.

"Mary Ann! Yer wounded! Ye need a doctor, QUICK! 'Ow could this 'ave happened?" Jack yelled as he pointed to the back of her dress (AN 1 and 2).

Mary Ann, not having the slightest clue what he was upset about, turned around to look at the back of her dress and her stomach dropped.

_Oh shit. What the hell am I supposed to tell him?! Damn, this is going to be beyond awkward!_

"Um, Jack. Calm down. Calm down. It's ok, um... well... shit." She said and ran inside.

'Tiffany, I know that I don't know you very well, but I need your help. Quickly! Could you show me where your room is? Please hurry. Before Jack gets here." Mary Ann begged and a bewildered Tiffany took Mary Ann to a neighboring room.

"What's wrong?" Tiffany asked, a little uncomfortable because she had no idea what was going on and she heard Jack burst into the other room and start pounding on the locked door that they were behind.

"This is incredibly embarrassing, but...um... I leaked." Mary Ann said, blushing like crazy and looking at the ground.

"What?!" Tiffany asked.

"I got my monthly and it leaked through my dress," She turned around to show Tiffany the evidence of a large red mark that was seeping through her dress, "Unfortunately, Jack had to be the one to point it out to me."

Tiffany covered her mouth to stifle her giggles and asked, "Does he know what it is?"

Mary Ann shook her head, "He thinks I'm 'wounded'. God, this is so embarrassing. For the past couple of days, he's been commenting on how I've become more 'fiery' I think is how he put it. Heh, 'irritable' is more like it."

"Don't worry. Here, I think I have some clothes you can change into." Tiffany said. She made her way to a large trunk and began digging through it.

!#$%&(!$U(!%(!!(&(&&!

"Wha' is going on in there? She's hurt, she shouldn't be talking. Why won' they let me in there ta 'elp 'er?!" Jack said as he sat down at the table next to Will.

"How do you know that she was hurt?" Will asked.

"I saw th' blood on the back o' 'er dress! She tol' me ta calm down! Calm down when I saw the blood meself?!" Jack yelled exasperatedly.

Will blushed a little and said, "The back of her dress? Where exactly on the back of her dress?"

"Well, I'd say, well, ye know... er, around the bottom o'... 'er ass region." Jack said, getting frustrated.

Will blushed even more and said, "Jack, you see, after I married Elizabeth, I learned a few more things about women. Um... Jack, you see, for a few days a month..."

!$#(!&!%&!%!&!%&!&!(!&&&!

"Here you go. I hope this'll fit you. I'll go out there and stall them and you can come out when you're ready." Tiffany said, handing a deep red dress to Mary Ann.

"Thank you so much!" Mary Ann responded. Tiffany smiled and slipped back outside.

Mary Ann quickly stripped her clothes and got cleaned up and changed.

!%&$#(!#&!!(!&()(!)&!(

"... and you see, that is what allows them to bear children." Will finished. Jack was staring at the door that Mary Ann was behind with a mixed look of horror and disgust.

"Tha' was far more than I needed ta know, Turner." Jack said, than turned to Tiffany who had entered the room a few moments before, and added, "Does that happen ta ye too?!"

"Yep. It's a right pain in the ass, it is. That'll explain her moodiness lately." Tiffany replied.

Jack got an even more horrified look on his face and stood up. "I've got ta go do something on th' Pearl. Erm, bring 'er when she's... finished... in there."

"Men." Snorted Tiffany as Jack and Will practically tripped over each other trying to get out of her house.

A few minutes, Mary Ann came out and Tiffany explained what had happened. "OH GOD! _WILL _EXPLAINED IT?! How the hell am I supposed to face them now?!" Mary Ann yelled.

!$%#&(%#(()#(!(!##&(!&#&(&(!&&%$%

Mary Ann, Tiffany, Will, and Jack all sat around a table in the Captain's Quarters in silence. Occasionally someone would cough or sigh, but everyone was extremely embarrassed about what happened before.

"So... what specifically can I help you with?" Tiffany asked, breaking the silance.

"Oh, yes, um, we're supposed to find a place called 'Half Moon Bay' beach. Have you heard of it?" Mary Ann said.

"Honey, I've lived here for a looooong time. It's not too far from here, tomorrow morning we can easily hike over there. What exactly do we do there?" Tiffany answered.

"Find a hollow Tamarind tree or something. She didn't tell us what to do once we did, though." Mary Ann said.

"Shit. That could take all day! How the hell are we going to do that?!" Tiffany questioned.

"Well, I guess we better get to sleep then, hm? We'll need our strength tomorrow. Tiffany, ye can share a room with Mary Ann tonight if ye don' want ta walk all the way home again, aye? Ok, than, goodnigh'." Jack said quickly and he rushed them out the door. Mary Ann stopped, though, and refused to leave.

"Listen, Jack. I know that you're embarrassed, trust me, so am I, but we should handle this like adults and move on with our lives. Pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaaase." She said quietly.

He nodded, but didn't look up from intently studying the floorboards, "goodnigh'" he said and closed the door in her face.

"ASSHOLE!" She shouted and threw an apple through his window.

Ok, there ya go! PULEASE REVIEW!!! I NEED 'EM TO SURVIVE!!

AN1: I'd like to thank Goth Princess/ Evil Duckie of the Black Lagoon for the whole bit about Mary Ann's period!!! GO YOU!!!! THANX BUNCHES!!!

AN2 **PLEASE READ**: I had a HUGE inner debate about weather or not Jack should fully understand the horror that is a period before the incident in this chapter. I understand that, as a grown man, he'd have some idea of it, but I decided for him to not be as educated on women's health because it would be much more amusing. IT'S FOR THE SAKE OF THE STORY, PEOPLE!!! K? Any complaints will be fed to my dog. Thanks!


	10. The plot half of ch9

Here's the second chapter that I promised!!

Splashey: I know, I HATE that time of month, and if you send me a nasty e-mail complaining about how I portrayed ya, I'll blame it on PMS, LOL. Speaking of that, am I doing ok? If you don't like it, let me know, k? Oh yeah, and.... You nail on the head about Norrington. I feel a little sorry for him though... oh well, I'll think about it when I start to care, LOL.

Dimonah Tralon: Thanx! I'm SO happy that you like Jack's reaction. I had many different ways to go with and I'm happy that I chose the right one. He's such a hard guy to portray, ya know. He's not just one certain thing, he's a mix. Woah... I'm SO sorry, that made no sense what so ever, LOL.

Evil Duckie of the BlackLagoon: Thanx a ton! I'm glad you liked it and thought it was funny. That was a blast to write, and thanx to your help and ideas, I've got some new reviewers!! YAY! You go girl!

XxXthesicknessXxX: YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY! You thought the chapter _and _the scene separators were hilarious?! That makes me feel really really good!! Thank You!!! Oh yeah, and about the Pop Radio thing, I looked all over for a website with a pic of it and I didn't have much luck, but the company that makes it is called 'Sound Bites' I think so you could try it.

SpAnIsH-EyEs2: Thanx so much! I'm so glad you thought it was funny! I was afraid that people would be complaining! I hope you like the rest of it as much too!

Arsinoe Selene: Thanx! I thought it would be rather amusing to see Will explain womanly things, LOL. I would pay to see that, LOL! I hope I don't let ya down on this chapter now!

Last chapter: "ASSHOLE!" She shouted and threw an apple through his window.

The next morning, Mary Ann had cooled down considerably and was cringing at every single thing that happened the day before. They set off on the hour long hike to get to Half Moon Bay beach, Will and Tiffany in the front, chatting away, merrily, with Jack and Mary Ann bringing up the rear, in an awkward silence.

Mary Ann was having some very harsh conversations with herself in her mind. _This is SO embarrassing! I bet he completely hates me know! Aw, crap. This is NOT good! NOT GOOD! Of all people that had to see that, HE was! I think I'll have to say that is the most embarrassing that's ever happened! AND WILL EXPLAINED IT?! I should start a list. My Top Ten Most Embarrassing Moments. Greeeeeeeaaaat. I hope I don't get eight more to add to that!_

On the other hand, the only thing that was running through Jack's head was _SAY SOMETHING, DAMN IT!!_

Finally, after their hike through the lush forest, they came to a gorgeous clearing exposing fine, soft sand and clear turquoise water.

"Ok, one down, now all we have to do is find that freaking hollow Tamarind tree." Tiffany said.

"Aw, please, can we take a break! I'm so thirsty!" Will pleaded.

"Oh no. I knew there was something that I had forgotten!" Mary Ann mumbled.

"What?! What did you forget?" Tiffany asked.

"Well, I'm terribly sorry, but I don't have the water flasks." Mary Ann said, looking at the ground.

"NO! Don' tell me we 'ave to go all th' way back through tha' again!" Jack said angrily.

"Wait, I've got an idea that could kill two birds with one stone. Come on, let's find that Tamarind tree!" Tiffany said.

"But, what about the break?" Mary Ann asked.

"Hold on, there's got to be some of those trees somewhere around here. Just trust me, ok?" Tiffany said and they began to move into the trees again.

After another 17 minutes and 36 seconds (Jack counted as an attempt to rid him of his boredom) of complaining, they found an area with about 10 Tamarind trees scattered around, and more off in the distance.

"We drink the juice from the Tamarind fruit! Let's find the hollow one and than we can have a break and figure out what to do." Tiffany explained (smart girl!)

So, Jack's idea, was to begin knocking on each tree to find the hollow one. After another five minutes, Jack proudly stated that he'd found it, so they picked off the fruit and began to come up with ideas about what they had to do.

After they'd drained eight fruits and quenched their thirst, they got quite an unpleasant surprise. Caddy emerged from the trees looking quite smug.

"I never knew anyone could be so dimwitted!" She exclaimed gleefully.

"Wha' do ya mean, woman?! We foun' th' tree! We win!" Jack argued.

Caddy shook her head and said, "Your first test is to find the cave in the coastline of Hell's Gate in Guadelupe. That is, if you want the antidote..."

"Antidote?" Mary Ann questioned, her heart sinking.

Caddy cackled and exclaimed "That is why you are all so dimwitted! You drank the juice from those fruits without question! I have power, you know that, and in 72 hours if you haven't found the antidote in that cave, you're toast!"

"WHAT?!" Will yelled.

"Yes, dear. Don't worry. In just a few hours, you'll start to feel it." She cackled once again and disappeared back into the woods.

"NO! Caddy! Get back 'ere! Ye can' do this! Ye... AUGH!" Jack yelled and kicked the sand.

"Relax, Jack.. She's a bitch, but we have to get back to the ship. We can't waste any time." Tiffany said.

Jack got up and mumbled, "fine, lead th' way."

Will and Tiffany took the lead again, but didn't talk as much this time. Everyone was busy trying not to picture what was going on in their stomach at that moment.

Will and Tiffany quickened their pace, but Mary Ann and Jack made a silent agreement to fall behind. Mary Ann finally worked up the courage to say something to Jack and she stopped in her tracks and grabbed Jack's arm, "Jack. Listen, I'm sorry about yesterday. It was childish. But, you were being childish too and... well...I... didn't mean to throw that apple through your window."

Jack snorted so she quickly back-pedaled, "Ok, I did, but I was frustrated."

"Understood, luv." He said, although he still looked a bit awkward, "Once, I threw a table through a window in a bar. Th' apple was nothin'."

She smiled, but it quickly faded when she looked around and whispered, "Jack, where are Tiffany and Will?"

Jack ran ahead and called to them, but was only met with silance, so he made his way back.

"I've come ta a conclusion, luv. We're los'." Jack said.

Not so much humor in this chapter, but I've got a surprise for ya in the next chapter, so stay tuned in, k? AND REVIEW!!!!


	11. In which certain characters worship the ...

Hello ladies! Guess what I forgot?? A DISCLAIMER!!! So, DUH, I don't own anything except for Mary Ann and Caddy. There we go.

Smiley Cad: 'Ello poppet! Don't worry, I'll write a good story about you, k?

TheSiriusSparrow: Howdy! So, the randomness was a good thing? Maybe? I'm glad you liked it and thought that it was funny. And thanx so much for the nice reviews! It boosts my self-esteem and I really needed it!

Chatty291: Just wait... more dumb things on the way!

Polochicjilly: Thanx so much for the review, it made me smile and I was very happy that you stuck with the story even after I was a dumbass and didn't review for ages!

Evil Duckie of the BlackLagoon: Lordy, they look like idiots when they ate the fruit? MWAHAHAHAHA! Just read on...

Arsinoe Selene: Caddy's clever, but mean and evil. I think I like her character though... I mean, even though she does all that mean stuff, she just kind of... intrigues me. Well, there's my two cents, LOL. I'll stop wasting your time now and let you read the chapter.

Dimonah Tralon: Don't worry, they'll be fine, but I'm afraid that things must get worse before they get better. Mawahahahahahaha!!!

Psyco Dragon lover: Don't worry! I'll read your story within the next 24 hours, but I'm a bit rushed right now (I type these review thingers last), so I'll read it a.s.a.p, k?

Splashey: I'm tired too. I wake up at around 1 a.m. every night and I just can't fall asleep!!! It's so fricking annoying! Anyways, the usual... I hope you like this chapter too, oh yeah, and I think I did a MUCH better job with your character in this chappie!

Last chapter: "I've come ta a conclusion, luv. We're los'." Jack said.

!#($%$((!#$#$&!()($&$(#&$&!)()$%&#$&%$

"Jack. We've been looking for them forever and accomplished nothing. Look, we're back where we started!" Mary Ann said exasperatedly as she plopped down on a tree trunk at the edge of the forest that was overlooking the beach.

The sun was setting and both Mary Ann and Jack had to agree that it was quite a romantic setting, if only they hadn't eaten those poisoned fruits. Jack sat down next to Mary Ann and not so subtly put his arm around her shoulder.

"Well, wha' should we do now, luv? It migh' be days, no, _weeks _before they find us! Ye know, these evenin' winds can be mighty cold. Any ideas on how we coul' keep warm?" Jack asked, rubbing her shoulder slowly and moving his hand down to rub her back.

Mary Ann was going to give Jack an earful, but she turned and looked into his eyes, which was rather stupid. Instead of snapping at him, she felt herself lean forward slightly.

Jack was positively jumping for joy on the inside and he leaned down and met her lips in a passionate spit swap (AN: POUR ON THE SAP! WAHOO!).

Jack had tangled one of his hands in her hair, and the other was slowly undoing the buttons on her dress, when Mary Ann pulled away sharply.

"Are ye alrigh', luv?" Jack asked cautiously because she had a very queer look on her face.

"Jack, I think I-" was all that Mary Ann got out before she spouted the contents of her stomach all over Jack's shirt.

She realized what she did and quickly leaned over the sand and continued to spew. (AN: L.M.F.A.O!!!)

Jack whipped off his shirt and kindly held her hair out of her face. After another few minutes of retching, Mary Ann slowly looked up to look Jack in the face. But, she never made it there, because she was stuck on his tanned, chiseled abs.

He smirked and waved his hand in front of her face. She blushed and met his gaze. "Sorry." She began, but he put his finger on her lips. She began to lean forward again, but he stopped her.

"As much as I would love for ye ta do tha', must I remind ye tha' ye jus' emptied yer stomach no more than 30 seconds ago?" He said, discreetly wiping his finger on a clean part of his shirt.

She blushed again and he added, "Let's go try an' find some clean water, an' than-" But Jack didn't get any further because he too heaved his lunch into the sand.

"Mary Ann, luv. Someone ou' there must really no' wan' us ta be together." He sputtered.

She smiled and rubbed his back soothingly. _Damn, this'd be terribly romantic if we weren't puking our guts ou'. _Jack thought.

!%#$&!(&$%#(!&#$&!%$($#&((!#&#&!&#$$($)#

"That is so rad! My favorite color's yellow too! We have so much in common!" Tiffany exclaimed to Will.

They walked on a bit further in a comfortable silence, each enjoying the others' company, when Will looked back to see why Jack and Mary Ann were being so quiet.

"Tiffany, where are Jack and Mary Ann?" Will asked.

"Aw, crap! We must've lost 'em somewhere along the way. What do we do?" Tiffany asked.

"Let's go back to the Pearl and wait there during the night. If they aren't back by morning, we'll go back and look for them. The island can't be that big, I'm sure they'll be fine." Will answered. (AN: Hmmm... It seems to me like Mr. Turner just wants a little alone time with Tiffany. Ooooooooooh!)

!)#$!)($#%#(!)#($#))!))(##$%$%&#()!)#$#&(!(#&#$#

And somewhere off in the Caribbean Sea, Commodore Norrington was aboard one of his navy ships doing something boring as he got closer and closer to Antigua. Basically, the purpose of this paragraph is to let you know that Norrington is on the moooove, got that? Good.

!#%&!#%&!#&!$!%&!#$%&!$#!&!%$$!%&!

And now for something completely different. Jimmy the Baker was standing in the middle of the woods, Elizabeth by his side. He proudly stuck out his red plaid clad chest and sang proudly, "I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok, I sleep all night and I work all day. I cut down trees, I wear high heels, suspendies and a bra. I wish I'd been a girlie, just like my dear mama."

"Oh, Jimmy! And I thought you were so butch!" Elizabeth cried, and with that, she took off running into the woods. (AN: That's not mine. I stole it from Monty Python and altered it a bit. If you haven't heard the Lumberjack song, LISTEN TO IT!!! Yeah... I'm done now.)

!#%&()!#(!(()!!##(!(!#%&!(&!%#$!$&!(!&!%%

AND NOW BACK TO WHAT YOU ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT:

Jack and Mary Ann were lying on the sand, Jack's arm around her, looking up at the stars (Say it with me, people! "AWWWWWWW!") in a comfortable silence. They had decided to spend the night on the beach with the waves tickling their toes, and follow along the beach to hopefully find the Pearl in the morning.

"Ye know, I don' think anythin' more embarrassin' could happen ta us." Jack said and Mary Ann laughed softly and drifted off to sleep.

The next morning Jack awoke to a strange sensation in his pants (AN: OH MY GOSH! THAT SOUNDS SO WRONG! Giggle giggle. Ok, I'm done now).

"Oh, Mary Ann, I didn' know ye'd want ter git fresh this early in the morning." Jack mumbled, not opening his eyes.

But, suddenly he felt a strong stinging fire spread across his legs and where the sun don't shine.

He screamed (yes, screamed, not yelled.) and jumped up, swatting his pants and jumping around like a two-year-old on their birthday among the waves. A small purple blob fell out of his pants and washed out into the ocean.

"Jack! What's wrong?" Mary Ann asked.

"A DAMN JELLYFISH SWAM UP ME PANTS AN' STUNG ME!!!" He said, eyes tearing up and his hands at his crotch.

Mary Ann winced and said, "Well, we need warm water or vinegar. Try getting in the ocean. Maybe that'll be warm enough."

No later than the words left her mouth, than Jack ran into the water... and ran back out screaming again, "IT'S BLOODY COLD!!!!"

"I'm so sorry, Jack, but those are the only remedies I know!" Mary said hurriedly.

!#%&&!#&(!&$!&(!&!$&!(!%%!(!&%

"Just past these trees and we'll see the beach... JACK! MARY ANN!" Tiffany shrieked as she spotted Jack and Mary Ann sitting on the beach.

"What are you doing?!" Will asked as he got a better look. Mary Ann was rubbing Jack's back soothingly again and Jack had his legs spread, a significantly larger bulge in the front of his trousers.

"Go' stung by a jellyfish." Jack grumbled.

Tiffany tried, unsuccessfully, to hold in her laughter, but quickly helped Will and Mary Ann lift Jack and drag him back towards the Pearl.

!#&()!$%!&()!%$%!&(!%%!&()!!%&(

Late the next day, the four found themselves along the coastline of Hell's Gate, Guatalupe, trying to locate the hidden cave and keep down their meals simultaneously. Jack's swelling had gone down a bit, but everyone was getting sicker and sicker, and they were slowly and painfully losing hope of ever finding the antidote.

After 3 more agonizing hours, they finally sighted a small black opening in the side of a cliff. Unfortunately, Caddy didn't make it easy for them, and they had to row in a separate boat into the cave. Finally, they found a few bushes of small purple berries at the mouth of the cave.

The rest of the cave was deserted, and they were beyond sick, so they were getting desperate. They downed handfuls of the berries and just hoped that it help their aching bellies a little.

"Well," Said Caddy, emerging from behind a boulder, "I see that you got here in time... yet, not quite unscathed(With that, she glanced between Jack's legs). Here's your next test, you're going to play a little game with my dear friend, Lexie Hsawaknow. She's in Tortuga, just ask around. You'll find her. Good luck; you're going to need it."

Ok, would you say I'm a sick person for enjoying writing those embarrassing escapades? OK, just REVIEW!! HAS EVERYONE STOPPED READING THIS?! I've noticed that a few people have reviewed in the past, but haven't really stuck with it. Are you guys still out there?? Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the new people (hugs for everyone), I just want to know what I did to lose so many people over the duration of the story.

PLEASE REVIEW! I hate having to hold the next chapter hostage for some more reviews, so don't make me do it!

TA!


	12. In which the authoress slaps herself and...

GOOD LORD I'M SORRY!!! I AM THE WORST PERSON IN THIS UNIVERSE!!! I DESERVE TO BE SLATHERED IN SMELLY FISH GUTS AND FED TO THE EELS (shudder, I hate eels!)!!! YOU MAY NOW TAKE OUT YOUR ROCKS AND ASSORTED ROTTEN FRUIT AND CHUCK THEM AT ME!!! (you all chuck your rocks and assorted rotten fruit at me and somebody chucks a blender) I deserved that...

Anyways... this is my self-bashing session for making y'all wait soooo flippin' long for the next chapter! So, as a reward for you all, and to vent your frustration at my tardiness, in your next review, I would like you insult me in the most creative way possible, k? The winner with the most creative insult will have their's used in the next chapter. But really, we're all winners... except for me... I'm a loser for making you wait this long.

Ok, moving on to the second order of business, I must say that I am having a flipping hard time with this story. The problem is... I HATE IT!!! I love my plot idea to death, but I have the sinking feeling that I slathered this story in fish guts and fed it to the eels... or simply just flushed it down the crapper. I'm going to attempt to salvage this story, but I don't know how it will end up.

Normally, I'd say bear with me, but in this situation, I'd like to say, that if you're getting annoyed with this story, **feel free and abandon ship right now!** For those of you who are gonna ride this thing down to the depths of Davy Jones' Locker with me, bless your souls, and you can still opt to abandon ship, I won't hate you for it. I don't know what's wrong with me (other than the fact that I'm sicker than a dog... actually, I never got that expression, not all dogs are sick, so I suppose I should say sicker than a... sick person. Yep, I've got a terrible bout of the flu, but that could be good for you guys 'cause that will give me more time to stew over the current problem that is my story...), I have the rest of the plot sorted out, but I just can't put it into words!!! ARGH!!!

Well, that was a rather long-winded authors note, and I would just post this, but apparently you're not allowed to post just author's notes. I don't want my baby to be deleted, so I'll give you all a nice paragraph of the story and hopefully you'll get the rest sometime in the next week.

Last chapter: "Well," Said Caddy, emerging from behind a boulder, "I see that you got here in time... yet, not quite unscathed(With that, she glanced between Jack's legs). Here's your next test, you're going to play a little game with my dear friend, Lexie Hsawaknow. She's in Tortuga, just ask around. You'll find her. Good luck; you're going to need it "

Meanwhile somewhere in the wilderness of Port Royal, Elizabeth is running around, searching for Will after realizing three things. 1) Will is hot. 2) Will is chivalrous. And 3) Will is better than deranged bakers who are really just fruity lumberjacks in disguise. Note to self: Find Will and the kids. Other Note to self: It would also be a good idea to find my flipping way out of this forest.

**There you have it!** That was most definitely not a bunch of horse crap that I threw in here so that it would technically not be just an author's note... shifty eyes . By the way, I took a quiz on which Friends character I was, and I'm Chandler for the sarcasm... yep.

**IF ANYONE IS STILL READING THIS**, you should get a trophy or something. Yes, I'll give you a trophy and inscribed in it next to a picture of the lovely Jack Sparrow and Will Turner and me puking into a bucket, it will say 'To the brave soul who read the heinously long and tedious author's note, I mean "chapter" and reviewed! Don't forget to send your insults!!! And simply say 'abandon ship' if you're leaving me, and whatever the heck you want if you (insane person you are) are sticking with me.

p.s. I swear this is the last thing!!! I have not been able to review everyone's story lately and I must apologize for that because, A) I'm a bitch, but a busy one nonetheless and haven't been able to be on the computer for more than 15 minutes about every other day, and B) Well, actually there is no B, I just wanted to make another list because I like them.

CAN ANYONE TELL THAT I DON'T HAVE ANYONE TO TALK TO TODAY?!


	13. In which the authoress has too much fun ...

Ahoy thar maties! HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!! An xtra special piratey ahoy ta me loyal reviewin' crew: polochicjilly, zumanity57, lordoftheringsficreader, chatty291, Arsinoe Selene (By the way, I WANT YOUR SHIRT!!! That is hilarious! I'm sad though, because I couldn't find a way to incorporate it in the story!), Smiley Cad, kestrel, Elven Sailor Girl, Psyco Dragon Lover, Evil Duckie of the BlackLagoon, Splashey, Dimonah Tralon, and Graceless!!! I want to thank y'all bunches for stickin' by me and I also want to thank the lovely Dimonah Tralon and Evil Duckie of the BlackLagoon again for helping me!!! Thanks, ladies!

AN IMPORTANT NOTE: I'm afraid that Jack is a little OOC in this first part! I can't figure it out, but I'm absolutely hating myself at the moment because there's nothing that I hate more than when Jack is out of character. SO, if anyone has ideas on how to fix it, let me know and I'll repost this chapter. THANX A BUNCH!!!

Last "chapter": Other Note to self: It would also be a good idea to find my flipping way out of this forest.

If someone came up to you on the street and asked you to define awkward, you might reply "marked by or causing embarrassment or discomfort." BUT, you could also easily reply "the feeling between Jack and Mary Ann on the journey to Tortuga" and both would be valid answers. It's true that they had made some headway in their "relationship", but they had gone through so many embarrassing encounters that Mary Ann wasn't so sure about how to react around him.

One fine day, about three hours from Tortuga, Mary Ann found herself staring at Jack out of the corner of her eye (a favorite past time for her).

"For everyone else's sake, go talk to him!" Mary Ann jumped about a foot in the air and whipped around to glare at Tiffany, who was smirking knowingly at her, "Don't you glare at me! You two have been sneaking glances at each other, rather obviously I might add, ever since we left that island, but you've hardly said anything to each other. I mean, how hard is it to just admit that you like each other?! Just go over and say 'Hey, Jack. I think you're the most sexy being on this earth and I want to shag you all night long and then some-"

"Is tha' so, luv? I though' we had a little problem with ol' Jack. I believe someone was rather harsh back in Antigua..." Came Jack's voice from directly behind Tiffany. Mary Ann just sniggered as Tiffany's eyes nearly popped out of her head. Somewhere along her rant, Jack had come down to see what the fuss was all about and heard her confessing her feelings for him.

Tiffany said in the calmest voice that she could, "Methink'st thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee, (AN: Thanx to Dimonah Tralon for this insult!)" and when she got no answer, she proceeded to yell, "I WAS TALKING ABOUT MARY ANN LIKING YOU!!! CAN'T YOU JUST GET OVER YOURSELVES AND ADMIT THAT YOU LIKE EACH OTHER?!" and with that, she stormed off, leaving a veeeeeery awkward silence behind.

"Um... heh... sorry about that. You know how Tiffany can be..." Mary Ann said quietly.

"Aw, luv. Ye don' 'ave ta be ashamed about wanting a little lovin' from Jack!" He said, coming over to her and wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

"JACK!" She exclaimed, pushing his arm off (even though she looooved the way that it felt) and tried to walk away.

Jack got a little annoyed and pulled her back, he'd been equally embarrassed about some of the things that happened, but he was tired of the little avoiding game that they were playing. "Listen luv, what's the problem 'ere?" When he only got silence as a response, he continued, "I've been nice ta ye 'aven't I? I know tha' ye don' hate me considerin' the fact that at Half Moon Bay beach ye were more than happy ta kiss me... well, tha' was before we started ta retch, but the fact still remains luv. Ye wanted me. Wha's yer problem now?"

Mary Ann blushed, but still found that she couldn't form coherent sentences, so Jack but it bluntly, "Woul' ye like me ta kiss ye?"

"Would you bug me mercilessly about it if I did?" she asked, finally able to look at his face.

Jack pretended to look thoughtful for a moment and replied, "Yes, I believe that I would."

Mary Ann just shook her head for a moment, but threw her proper mannerisms out the window and leaned forward to kiss him anyway.

&!(&)(!&&!$&(!&()!(&!!

They reached Tortuga just as the sun was dipping below the horizon. It was incredibly noisy and as they made their way through the streets the girls earned more than a few whistles and crude comments. Tiffany flipped the commenting men off, but Mary Ann was a little freaked out, so Jack put his arm around her; _I shoul' take 'er 'ere more often if she is gonna wan' ta cuddle every time..._

"How are we going to find Miss Hsawaknow in this zoo?" Will questioned.

Jack didn't answer and walked up to the soberest-looking man that he could find (which wasn't very sober).

"Erm, do ye happen ta know where we coul' find a 'Lexie Hsawaknow'? We're lookin' ta er play a... game with 'er..." Jack said awkwardly.

The man burst into laughter and pointed to the nearby tavern labeled 'The Raspberry Beret'. "Try in there. Good luck wit yer game... yer gonna need it!"

"Thaaaaaanks." Jack replied and dragged Mary Ann into the tavern, scowling at the drunks leering at Mary Ann, with Will and Tiffany in tow.

Upon entering the bar, there was only one word that came to mind... dirty. By using "dirty", one can mean several things. It could mean soiled or unclean, Obscene or indecent, or Unethical or corrupt. There are few times when all of these apply, but this is a perfect example of such a time. Whores were everywhere and it was positively crawling with stinking drunk sailors.

Jack looked around for a minute and pulled Mary Ann a bit closer while heading over to the bartender.

"Do ye 'appen ta know where we coul' find a Lexie Hsawaknow?" Jack asked.

The bartender looked at him suspiciously, "Why?"

"Is she 'ere?" Jack asked, ignoring his question.

"Who?"

"Lexie Hsawaknow." Jack spit out, gritting his teeth.

"Wha'?" The bartender yelled back.

"Lexie Hsawaknow!"

"Wha' about 'er?"

Jack moved forward with lightning speed, grabbed the bartender's collar, and got right up in his face, "Listen, mate. I've 'ad ta kiss a frog, eat poisoned fruit, get me crowned jewels stung, an' a can't even pronounce the name of the lass I'm lookin' fer. I really don' 'ave time fer this!"

"It's ok, Tom, I'll handle this." Said a voice from behind them.

They turned to find a tall, dark-haired woman with piercing brown eyes.

"Lexie?!" Mary Ann asked.

"Mary Ann? Is 'at ye?" The woman asked.

"YEAH!"

"Oh me gosh! I haven't seen ye for like forever!" The woman said in a ditzy voice.

"Lexie, you should be dead! It's been at least 150 years! Why have you changed your last name?" Mary Ann questioned after giving Lexie a huge hug.

"Sorry ta break up this lil' reunion, but would anyone like ta share wha' the hell is going on?" Jack asked.

"Come 'ere, let's discuss this where there aren't any pryin' ears..." Lexie said and the four followed her to a closed off room in the back. It was very dark except for one lantern hanging above a table; a deck of cards sat in the middle.

They sat down and Lexie picked up the deck of cards and started to absently play with them while she explained, "Mary Ann's me cousin an' closest friend. Ye see, Mary, I accidentally overheard Caddie and yer father talkin' abou' how they had turned ye into a frog. No one was supposed ta know, so Caddie cast a spell on me too."

"What did she do to you?" Tiffany asked.

"Well, I'm kind of like her servant... kind of. I've got ta do 'er dirty work basically forever because she made me immortal which is really hard! Do ye know 'ow tough it is ta have a boyfriend when you never really get any older?! Anyway, I changed my last name from Wonkawash to Hsawaknow because I was ashamed an' didn't wan' anyone ta know tha' it was me doing all these horrible things for Caddy."

"Yer last name was Wonkawash and ye changed it ta Hsawaknow?" Jack asked.

She sighed deeply and said, "Yes. I know ye don' see the connection right now but Hsawaknow is Wonkawash backwards. Isn't tha' clever?! It only took me about three months to figure it out! I knew no one would ever figure it out! Even you!"

The other four nodded slowly, only one thought running though their minds, 'this woman is not the brightest bulb in the package.'

"Well, what are we supposed to do now?" Will asked.

"Ye were supposed ta play a game of poker against me, but that's not fair because when ye lose, Mary Ann becomes a frog again!" Lexie answered.

"Excuse me? _When _we lose? I happen to be very good at poker!" Tiffany retorted.

"I don' mean ta be rude, but I don' think it's possible for ye ta beat me. I've never lost a game in me life!" Lexie said.

"I really think you should at least let us try. I grew up playing poker and I think that I could easily beat you." Tiffany replied, trying not to yell at the woman seated across from her.

"Fine. I'm sorry Mary, but I'm afraid that yer soon ta become a frog again." Lexie said as she began to deal out the cards.

"Wait. Ye can' use these cards." Jack said.

"Why not?" Lexie asked calmly.

"There's obviously somethin' wrong with 'em. Don' pretend. I've been watchin' ye play aroun' with those things fer the past five minutes and every time ye reshuffle an' flip the top card over, it's the King of 'earts. If tha' witch can turn a grown woman into a frog, she coul' easily rig a deck o' cards." Jack pointed out.

"That can't be true! I'm a great poker player! Even Caddy told me so! She said I was the best and gave me these cards to prove it!" Lexie exclaimed, confirming everyone's thoughts. Yes, she was definitely dropped on her head as a child.

Tiffany scowled and Jack pulled a deck out from his boot, "Use these."

Mary Ann quirked an eyebrow and said, "You just carry those around in there?"

"Ye'd be surprised wha' I've got hidden, luv," he said suggestively.

So, Tiffany grabbed the rancid deck and dealt a hand for herself and Lexie.

"Hey, aren't we playing?" Will asked.

"We're betting on Mary Ann's physical form here. If one of you loses, she's a goner. Trust me." Tiffany replied.

Well, what kind of a story would this be if Tiffany lost? Well, it would probably be better, but Tiffany did win; with a high card nine, might I add. Yes that's right, a high card nine. Lexie, the so-called Queen of Poker got completely crap cards. This is the point at which we point and laugh. Ready... go.

Now, Caddy was not too happy about this. She stormed into the room (she was hiding behind some drunks when they entered the bar and she had pressed her ear up to the door throughout the entire game.

"HOW THE HELL HAVE YOU GOTTEN THIS FAR??? I've sent you to forest to find a hollow tree, and out of all of the trees on the entire island, you found it, I separated you four while you were poisoned, and instead dying a hopeless death while lost in the forest, you survived, and found the antidote! This is the fourth task and you've STILL defeated it! Well, I can guarantee that you won't be successful in the last task (AN1)."

"What do we have to do?" Will asked.

"Oh, not you, dear," She said in a condescending tone, "These two lovebirds will be the only ones participating in this last challenge. I must get going now, I hear my son coming." She said and vanished.

Little did they know that she was actually hinting to them that, /gasp/ everyone's favorite friend Norrington had just docked in Tortuga and was sending his little redcoat minions out to look for his beloved Mary Ann. He had arrived in Antigua a short while after they left and his mother made up some idiotic story about someone hearing them talk about going to Guatalupe and than to Tortuga, so he had been hot on their trail.

Ok, dudes, I'm leaving you here. I'm sorry that this chapter wasn't funny, but I needed to keep working on the plot. REVIEW!!! I swear, you guys are gonna LOVE the next chapter... or hate it... anyways, just review so I know what you guys think!

AN1: Ok, I'm sick of writing more tasks, so I tweeked it a bit so the tasks are as follows: 1)Finding the hollow tree, 2) getting lost in the forest, 3)Finding the antidote, 4) Poker game, 5)MWAHAHAHAHAHA! NOT TELLING YET!!!


	14. More of Gibbs than I ever wanna see

I'm baaaaack. I wish I had a good excuse for you guys as to why it took me a year to post the next chapter, but I don't. Sorry! Only one more chappie after this! THANK YOU SO MUCH TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED LAST TIME! Shout-outs will be in the next chapter. I know I've made you all wait a heinously long time, so here ya are!

Last chapter: Little did they know that she was actually hinting to them that/gasp/ everyone's favorite friend Norrington had just docked in Tortuga and was sending his little redcoat minions out to look for his beloved Mary Ann. He had arrived in Antigua a short while after they left and his mother made up some idiotic story about someone hearing them talk about going to Guatalupe and than to Tortuga, so he had been hot on their trail.

"I think it's abou' time fer a celebration, mates! Drinks all around!" Jack yelled and an excited roar of agreement rang out from the crew. He was quite proud that they had come this far and felt that the final task couldn't be that difficult.

The crew scrambled to the bar to drown themselves in any alcohol they could get their hands on while Jack and Mary Ann took a seat at a nearby table to watch the chaos.

After only a few drinks, the noise in the bar was positively deafening. Mary Ann was trying to keep a inebriated Jack's hands from wandering, Tiffany had consumed a bit more than "a few drinks" and was flirting loudly with Will, Lexie was pouting because she didn't have a boy-toy to play with, and Gibbs found himself in a rather interesting predicament.

"You agreed that if you lost, you'd do it, so come on out!" Ana Maria yelled to Gibbs through the door of an adjoining room.

Now is the time for me to warn anyone taking any heart medications, overactive imaginations, or liver conditions to skip over the following part.

Gibbs burst through the door, utterly smashed, wearing a black corset with matching panties. Yes, panties. Not only was he wearing panties, but also fishnets and atrocious black heels. All previous noise in the bar died immediately and everyone gaped at the drunken, giggling, old man. His face was red and he looked as if he was having the time of his life.

"MY EYES!" Yelled an unfortunate bystander as he lunged the fire-poker into his eyeballs to try and kill previous image.

"He must have fallen out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down!" Shouted another bystander as he tried to dig his eyes out with a dirty spork, "It should be illegal for him to show that much skin!"

"WHAT IS THAT SMELL!" Ana Maria choked out. She immediately regretted having EVER dared Gibbs to cross-dress, "It smells like the inside of a fake leg!"

Gibbs hastely kicked a suspicious-looking perfume bottle under the table and whistled innocently. There were several moments of awkward silence and Jack finally had the sense to smash an empty rum bottle over Gibbs' head and dump him outside, away from the horrified on-lookers.

"I need another drink." Jack announced and all noise resumed again.

Several drinks later 

"Ok, Jack. Why don't you just come find me when you're sober... er, wait, that'll never happen, just come find me when you're less drunk." Mary Ann said after Jack had begun belting out Rod Stewart's 'Da Ya Think I'm Sexy' and wiggling his eyebrows in what he hoped was a sexy suggestive look at Mary Ann, but it really appeared that he was having eye spasms. With that, Mary Ann got up and stepped outside the bar for a breather.

Jack's POV

"Hey." Came a velvety female voice in Jack's ear. He couldn't help but smile as he turned to face the scantily clad Lexie (she'd removed a few layers of clothing).

"'Ello, luv. Wha' can I do fer ya?" He replied as she giggled and leaned forward to give him a better look at her… womanly attributes.

_No! Stop! No' good! Don' look at 'er! Think abou' Mary Ann an' 'ow long ye've been tryin' ta woo 'er. She finally fancies ye, don' blow it! Ohhhh… ok, that feels awfully nice- NO, no, think about better things. Mary Ann… Mary Ann naked- NO, damn it, don't get turned on by the woman that ye fancy whilst another woman is on yer lap nibbling yer throat… which feels veeeeeeeery nice. DAMN IT, JUST PUSH 'ER OFF! JUST…Just… just… wha' was I thinkin' abou' jest now? Aw, who cares, this feels damn good!_

The moment that those thoughts went through Jack's head, he found himself in a dark, damp swamp. He saw a flourish of movement in the corner of his eye so he turned and his gaze fell on Mary Ann.

Norrington's POV after Mary Ann stepped outside

After searching for such a long time, James was absolutely thrilled when he spotted Mary Ann through the crowd in Tortuga. She appeared to be conversing with a Brad Pitt lookalike, but after a minute she waved him away and turned to go back into the bar.

Not wanting to lose her again, James quickly followed her.

Back to Jack and the "present" time in the swamp

"Mary Ann!" He called, or at least he would have if his voice were working. He heard a gawd-awful cackle and he noticed Caddy a few feet from Mary Ann (who looked thoroughly confused (Mary Ann, not Caddy. Caddy knows damn well what she's doing!)).

"I knew you weren't as strong as you thought you were. You managed to pass every test I threw at you, yet you couldn't even pass the task that should have been easiest of all… staying faithful was just too hard for you." Caddy jeered and took a step closer to Mary Ann. She whipped out her wand and began playing with a lock of Mary Ann's hair with it. "Do you want to hear the best part, Sparrow? She passed! This pathetic, little, sad excuse for a human being was actually able to resist temptation, while you could not. I'd like to thank you so very much for allowing me to finish her off finally."

Without another word, she jabbed Mary Ann in the neck and a green ray emitted from it. Mary Ann winced and rolled into a ball. She then began shrinking and morphing grotesquely at an alarming rate. Jack looked on, horrified, but rooted to the spot.

After only about fifteen seconds, all that remained of Mary Ann was a tiny green frog, which hopped off into the darkness.

Caddy laughed gleefully and disappeared. Jack was filled with an impending sense of guilt and was finally able to speak. He called out to Mary Ann, but knew there wasn't much of a point. She had become a frog again and it was his fault. He sat down on a stump and bashed his head against a nearby tree.

"Stupid. Stupid blighter. Worthless piece o-"

"Ribbit"

Jack ceased his infliction of harm upon himself to briefly glance down at the frog in front of him.

"Ribbit"

Jack put away his disgust for frogs and swiftly bent down to lightly peck the frog's mouth. To Jack's dismay, nothing happened and the frog simply hopped away. In the distance, Jack noted that he could hear many other "ribbits" and he decided that he should fix what he'd broken.

So, with a determined look on his face, Jack began his search for every single frog in the surrounding area to, well, put it bluntly, make out with.

Sorry about the Gibbs bit. He's an awesome dude, but I've had way too much Rocky Horror soaked into my brain for me to function without it for more than an hour. Also, I'm thinking about writing Tiffany and Jack's back-story as a saga of its own. Let me know if you guys would be interested in reading it!

REVIEW! I really want to know how many people are still reading this! I won't post the last chapter (which is already typed, by the way) if no one is reading this! Sorry again for the loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong wait! I suck!


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